What give
To live
A day
In May
To spoon
In June
July
To cry
Oh hey
Hooray,
Each day's
To praise
A lot
We've got
To live
To give,
Too late
This state
Of mind
Did find
Too late,
was fate!
In speed
Indeed
The thought
I wrought,
My brain
Insane
My woe
In tow
In strife
My knife
Cut thick
Too Quick
My wrist
Was grist
And I
Awry
Dripped dry----
Goodbye
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Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This reminds me of a dark musical, like "Sweeny Todd." The kind that's dark and disturbing, but too good to turn away. I'd find it hard to find only two syllable, rhyming words to complete a story/poem. You did a brilliant job there. I also liked the title, "Suicide in two syllables" because as we know.. suicide has three syllables. But you present it being done with TWO syllables.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Good
Discipline on keeping the two syllable theme. the subject matter is dark, but somehow not depressing...interesting
PEACE
Carly
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uv given a complete twist to such a dark subject...i like it, creative...very much
language: 5, rhythm: 3, subject: 4, tone: 3, form: 3.
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uv given a complete twist to such a dark subject...i like it, creative...very much
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I really like this, I've read a poem like this before, where there were two syllables in each line, anyway it kind of gives me the impression that you don't have much time left and you're running out of breath, anyway, this was clever, great job
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