'Twas the week before Christmas and all through the day,
All the parents were frantically running each way.
They searched high and low, for just the right toys
To fulfill all the lists of the good girls and boys.
Stores have their stock stacked up in big piles,
With wrapping and ribbons adorning the aisles.
There’s iPods, Gameboys, remote control planes,
Skateboards, Barbies and little toy trains.
There are massive long lines to purchase these goods;
The patrons all dressed in thick gloves and warm hoods.
Tightly clenched fists full of cash wave the air,
With phrases shouted out like, "This isn't fair!"
Some people shop early to get their head starts.
Others wait till last minute and shop at big marts.
But when the sun sets and the dark starts to fall,
Those patrons come home bearing their Christmas haul.
Still tired and weary from a long winter day,
It's then time to hide all the presents away
In attics, on dressers, under couches and beds;
Covered in wrappings of blues, greens and reds.
The parents guard hideouts and watch them in shifts,
As the children go searching for their hidden gifts.
The houses are spattered with colorful lights.
Some flicker some flash and some shine really bright.
The roof tops are covered with blankets of snow.
While the evening windows let out a warm glow.
This pattern continues each day till it's time,
When the bells fill the air with jingles and chime.
It is then that the job of the parents is done,
And finally time Santa Claus has his fun.
His elves have been working for hundreds of days,
To make sure the parents receive their due praise.
When he departs the North Pole Christmas Eve,
He turns to the elves knowing what they’ve achieved.
“Thank you for helping these folks get it right,
Now enjoy your day off and have a swell night!”
Author notes
I was reading "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore or Henry Livingston... Either way I was inspired to write my own piece. I thought 'Well I can't just write a poem using that meter and rhythm about Christmas, because that would be almost comparing my work to this.' Instead I said why not take the Hollywood cop out trick and write a prequel!
Lol sorry if its too cheesy for some but please leave a comment and let me know what you think. Merry Christmas All!
Comments
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Hey EnoQ
What's up my man? how ya been? Yeah good? Nice to hear it LoL enough with the small talk...HaHa k don't think I'm crazy I was just having fun. Anyways I enjoyed the little jingle. It's definitely more of a nursery rhyme type poem though. I don't think many would take this seriously as serious poetry, but it displays your talent and ability to rhyme. And what makes you different from other good writers and rhymers is that the rhymes you use, well at least the ones that you used in this one aren't what most would think of, or where most wouldn't put themselves in the position to have to be that creative. But those are the lazy poets who don't like to challenge themselves. Or they just don't like rhyme and express their feelings in others ways, which are very effective, A few of my Fav. poets around here that do this well are, Dave Ochs, Windhover, gnosisonG, ravenontheleft, and then of course Dun, who doesn't necessarily stick to just free verse, he rhymes sometimes and he's very smart about it as well, I highly suggest reading A LOT of his poetry. He's a great writer and has amazing ideas for disguising and being creative with his rhymes. Plus he's a really kewl dude, very humble but I'm pretty sure he knows he's smart and talented. The following line could use some commas I would think, though of course I'm not a grammar teacher...I would think after "flicker" and "flash" that there would be commas b/c it's basically a list.
"Some flicker some flash and some shine really bright."
In the following two sentences the syllable count is off in the rhyming scheme...Just something to check out and fix, there's a tool online that you can use, there are many of them actually, called syllable counters where you type in the phrase and it actually counts the syllables for you, this is a great tool to use when you are unsure. I just type in "syllable counter" in Google and within a couple seconds/minutes you'll find a good one that works well for free...
"When he departs the North Pole Christmas Eve,
He turns to the elves knowing what they’ve achieved."
And then there was this phrase which seemed to contradict everything that you were saying when you have Santa being real but the parents are still buying all of the gifts? That's not that big of a deal, but this phrase was a little too contradictive...
"His elves have been working for hundreds of days,
To make sure the parents receive their due praise." I could have just misunderstood your meaning, but to me, to the reader it seems to be a big contradiction, which kinda through me off of the rest of the piece which could easily be a DR. SUESS book. Overall I thought it was nicely written and Merry Christmas and Have A Rockin' New Year my man, Hope to hear from ya again sometime soon.
TTYSoon My Friend
MMlanguage: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 1, tone: 3, form: 3.
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Yeah
Thank you as always for the read and comment. I will get a chance to reply in full later but just a few keys.
Yeah at the end I did switch to Santa because I realized at the end that I might be alienating the intentions of the original work. I did not want to stand out from that but rather to integrate with it sort of.. I don't know its silly but I did not necessarily want to make this piece my own but more of a commemorative work.
I don't count my syllables really. Its more of a rhythm thing for me but when it comes out to be near the same that is always a plus for my OCD which is sort of light as of late.
Thank you again for taking the time to dig in on this piece. I might have to do some hammering out and see what happens. Talk to you later man.
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Hi Enoq!
And a meeeerry xmas to you. First well done for ploughing through essential cheesiness of xmas with aplomb. I reckon you caught most of the schmalz eradicating "true" xmas spirit.
You might try more enjambment to loosen up the rhythm and though I must admit I haven´t read the original as far as I can recall, I think the meter might be a tad off in places. Is it meant to be iambic? I notice there is a variance between 10, 11 (mostly) and 12 syllables per line but the beats seem to be here and there, which is fine but I miss the strict meter. Tell if I´m wrong and your write is actually an anapaestic beat or something I´ve not spotted.
You seem a little undecided as to whether you wish to expound on the crass commercialism of xmas or to set off on a fairy tale jaunt with Santa and his elves but I guess it was your intention to encompass many aspects in one single sitting.
Needs work to satisfy this Grinch.
Regards
gG
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well
The meter is the same for the most part. The original would vary between 10-11-12 syllables pending on what met the rhythm best. Its a read out loud piece so the most important thing is how it sounds. Yeah I decided that if it was to be a prequel then it should end with Santa leaving to be prepared for the beginning of the original work. You really should read it I think you would like the original. No it is not iambic and unfortunately my fans I completely suck with enjambment and usually come off a bit slackish when I try.
Thank you for reading, as you may already know I usually follow a stricter dogma when writing but this was a fun stretch.
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I think it was awsome, I love reading poems with the same kind of meter as the original. I dont think there is anything wrong with it as it shows how far the human mind can transform words into something else without changing the origin of it.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 3, form: 4.
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Good update
Nice updating and why not? Modern shopping trends and other elements neatly packaged. The semi-colons are the only nits I spotted Enok except Santa Claus not being real - no kids reading this are there? Frank
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Thank you
It was a fun piece to write. Enoq is just my handle. Yeah Santa isn't real of course but ya never know who may be reading
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Beautiful poem enoq:P
You did such a good job, it underlined everything from the week till then
, it made me smile it felt like watching the frantic frenzy safe from above, Such a great poem Enoq
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All I could think the whole way down was the grinch which reminded OMG it's christmas yeah!!!!
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Hey hey! I like this. It is DAMN cute and very happy and cheerful. And as I loveeeeeeeeeee xmas cause its the BEST time of the year, your poem is making me wait impatiently for xmas to arrive. Good good! This poem is definitely something almost everyone can understand. Simple yet so thorough.
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I really like it!
Other than a few punctuation problems, I don't see anything you should change. Great job! (It's Moore, by the way.)
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Thank you!
I added you to collaborator so please feel free to fix the little punctuation issues.
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