Here is one:1
"I was scared; alone. Frightened. My eyes were sewed shut as I clutched myself together, screaming and moaning. The tears streamed down my face. "Stop the pain!""2
2nd:3
"Aspen looked out her window. The winds were blearing. The sun was secreted from the billows. The sky looked as if she were saying: “Run away or I’ll zap you with a shriek of lighting.” and her look did frighten those away. Aspen shivered, her body shaking, the goose bumps that formed on her arms and legs. Trying ever so lightly to cover it up with her shall and skirt."4
3rd:5
"The night sky gloomed more than ever. The clouds were dark and the rain was pounding against windows. The wind blew in faces. The air was chilly. Trees were swaying violently. It grew more aggressive by the minute. People were running to their wagons, and horses, the villagers were screaming, just screaming. Our windows rattled, and the walls were shaking, just a bit. It came to be too dark. I went and got my lantern and lighted it up. I went back to my seat and watched outside. The storm got worse, while of my absence."
Author notes
For langauge arts, we have to write a short story, so here are three beginnings I'm thinking of using. Please tell me what one you think I should use for the language arts short stories.
I posted this at storywrite, but I never go on, so people don't know me, so I posted this here too..
Thanks,
Hope.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Thank you for everyone who was/is replying!!
I appriciate your advice!
Hope. -
I'd go with the third one first. My second choice would be the first one. and then the last one I would vote for is the second one. They're all pretty good but I think the best one is the third one. Good luck with your short story!!
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The third one is the best! Let me know when you're done so I can read it, kay? There will be consequences if you don't! So don't forget!
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Lake Absence,
Haha, maybe... xD
hehe
lylas,
Hope.
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in my opinion the 3rd one is the best
they are all good though so whatever you choose you'll be okay
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Your a good Writer
Nice writing and poetry
Well I loved them all so much but if I had to really choose:
I like 3rd:5 the most
2nd I like the first one
and that just leaves 2nd:3
I know it probably didn't help but that's what I thought.
Distant Unknown -
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Distant Unknown,
Thanks so much, though honestly I don't think I'm a good writer... haha.
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My Vote is for the third.
I think it just seemed to to catch my attention better. I'm not sure why. It reminds me of many a storms here in Kansas. Of course folks weren't running for their wagons during any of the storms I saw unless you count my Aunt and Uncles Station Wagon. Well, there was that one time my cousin was running for his Little Red Wagon. Does that count? I would change a few things though. I'm just going to repaste the whole thing with the changes in it.
The night sky was glommier than ever. The clouds were dark and the rain was pounding against windows. The wind blew in faces. The air was chilly. Trees were swaying violently. It grew more aggressive by the minute. People were running to their wagons and horses. The villagers were screaming. They were screaming loudly. Some were panicked. Our windows rattled, and the walls were shaking, just a bit. It came to be too dark. I went and got my lantern and lit it up. I went back to my seat and watched outside. The storm had gotten worse, during my absence. There was debris flying through the air.
I guess someone is telling a story becuase you had everything in qoutes."xxx" I'm not sure if I'd do that until it was obvious someone was speaking unless you're going to follow it with something like:
"xxxxx" Grandfather told us as we sat in front of the fire.
"What happened next Grandfather?" My sister asked, wided eyed.
Good luck. Holler if you need anymore help.
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Brian,
Oh, no, the "'s were to "split" up the beginnings..
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