All you really have
in this life
is your sense of desperation
varying levels of depression
moments of rage
animal licking it wounds pain
sweaty palms fear
alternating between restlessness
and chronic fatigue
unendurable boredom
and monotony
the three headed monster of
isolation, alienation and loneliness
self-loathing and hatred
the emptiness of a dried ocean
feelings of abandonment
as a result of
not being able
to attain one
satisfactory relationship
or even feeling close
to another human being
So why the fuck
are you so afraid
of dying?
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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i can relate to every single word....the ending is so true. great poem. you are obviously a big bukowski guy.
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very good
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thanks maya
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hi, dave...i see your cynical eye at work here and as i always say, you have a way with words that is quite different from a lot of poets that i know...i will always look at you as one of the best poets here in SP and one of the my favorites.
but, i hope you don't mind if i say that this poem would really read better if you used punctuations...there was a moment here when i got confused as to where the line started and ended and if you really meant what is written or if there was just a typo error...
here where i got so utterly lost: "moments of rage
animal licking it wounds pain"
i read these lines over and over again and tried to put in punctuations to help me understand it, but i just can't...i think i need for you to explain this, for me to see this clearly. now, this must be just me, ok? so, i hope you won't get offended...and, oh...i think there is a typo in your title...am i right? i just thought that you meant "world's" instead of the "worlds" that's placed here...
again, i hope you don't mind the suggestions i made on your poem.
peace,
leigh
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hey leigh
you're sweet so nothing you say would draw my ire. thanks for the suggestions as well as the comments.
sorry if this wasn't clear. i consider this a list poem so
moments of rage is a item on the list and aminal licking its wounds pain is the next item on the list but i can see how that could be confusing and thank you for pointing it out to me.
salamat
dave
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If Life Is So Bad Death Must Be Better!
Heheh. Calling all whiners! Calling all whiners! Now is the season of seppukko!
Nice one Dave. You had me going there until the final slice of dripping irony whereupon it was back to the Ochs we know and love!
I guess you pushed this one to the teenangst limit up until the finale but that is what makes it effective in my view.
Cheers
gG -
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hey gG
teenage angst poems suck. old age agnst rules! and you dont even have to cut yourself.
dave
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thanks for the slap on the back
Dave,
you make a good point, that some people are so afraid of dying when they are not even living. whether or not you were being overly sarcastic and bleak to make a point, you effectively brightened my day, here on campus. it's finals week and today is cold and sleeting outside. now i have to walk home through the bad weather to go study. but what the heck. i'll try to enjoy it.
always,
Pap
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hey pap
glad you got the meaning, that was the point altough this sounds like an angst woe is me poem, but isn't. i wasnt' sure if you were being sarcastic (which is fine) if this brightened your day but regardless good luck with finals and i hope you reward yourself with some fun when its all over.
dave -
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ha. no i was not being sarcastic. your poem poem was food for thought. as always.
gtg study! peace!
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Beautiful! Haha. dave, i enjoyed this very much. Its an instant favorite. All that talk was a perfect "introduction" to the last stanza. For some reason, i didn't find this depressing at all. I mean, yeah, most of the poem is bleak but isn't life when looked into offers a great amount of bleak. The happy parts are after all mere silver linings. But i think more than just the depression, its the simple question of being afraid to die. I mean...If you are so happy with life and lived it well, you should be ready to die (no regrets after all). If its dreary and full of regret, wouldn't death be a nice way to get away from the cycle? Unless of course we see that death isn't an end, but a doorway to someplace...there i suppose the problem is. Good poem dave.
-iphios -
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hey iphios
thanks for the comment, no everyone thought this was so hot. and your right if life is so bad why would you want to live? so the intention wasn't to express woe is me angst but to give (myself included) a good kick in the pants.
dave
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i`m wondering if the huge volume of depressing drivel you read on
here has finally got to you my friend,regarding the question i suppose its the illusion of hope that keeps us from being afraid to die but its a great question you have asked as its so difficult for most people to answer.
anyway i enjoyed this and i "hope" others get the same message it gave me,to cut down writing depressing poems
see you later
Rhet -
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hey rhet.
altough i don't sit down to write and say, this is what i want to do, sometimes i like to take something to the nth degree, just how depressing can i get and then like math where you multiply a negative number by a negative number you get a positive and feel better.
dave
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Depressed
Hey Dave. I wonder did you mean this to sound quite as caustic as it does. I'm used to your work sounding jaundiced, disillusioned even, but this so, I dunno, depressed? it almost slips into the sort of angst that our teenage members flood the site with and that devalues it for me. Not one of your best my friend. Hope you don't actually FEEL this bad. J. -
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hey john
fair enuf. at least its not a cutting poem. i was hoping the (strength?) of the imagery, the flow were good. also i was hoping the last line turned this on its head to be more than an angst poem, if not i stand guilty. thanks for your honesty.
dave -
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Phew!
You know, reading it a few times I can see that you fully intended to 'lay it on thick' to set it up for the punchline. I think though the problem may be that the punchline doesn't really turn it on its head, it kinda feels like a natural follow-on and just more doom and gloom. But at least I 'get' where you were coming from now and don't have to worry about you cutting yourself with a potato peeler or throwing yourself out a ground floor window. Hugs >W< -
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hey john
your criticism is perfectly valid and i felt the same way myself, i read this with trepidation in two settings and was suprised by the positive response so i thought mabye there was somthing there. like i said to rhetorica sometimes i like to take something to the nth degree and run with it and it becomes like math where a negative times a negative is a positve.
anyway my potato peelers so dull it couldnt pop a baloon. dave
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