Two men set out on a venturesome quest,
into the desert sand.
Each had a book but discarded the rest,
with no sure outcome planned.
They leaped in long lenghts of faith heading west,
not knowing where they'd land.
Neither sure how to overcome this test,
using their empty hands.
Their paths pervaded and they lost their way,
now separate and alone.
They feel themselves beaten down by the day,
with no direction shown.
One found a safe spot for resting to lay,
enclosed with giant stone.
The other kept trudging through harsh sand spray,
against his painful bones.
Rough desert torments were so largely scaled,
they both constantly shook.
Both seemed to know that their paths had derailed,
neither willing to look.
Alone their resolve was tested and failed,
forgetting what they took.
Neither of these tormented souls prevailed,
for neither read their books.
Author notes
What do you think this is about?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I am not very good at commenting.... so you will have to cut me some slack. I liked this poem alot. you touched on a subject that is a huge controversy in society today and you portrayed it well.
"Both seemed to know that their paths had derailed
neither willing to look.
Alone their resolve was tested and failed,
forgetting what they took"
This was my favorite line.
All in all, wonderful poetry. It creates images in the mind and makes the reader think. Amazing job
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Hey Enoq...
I like your concepts and thoughts, but the sing-song scheme gets really old after a while. Try and mix it up a little. Predictability is the death knell of the rhyming poet and one can only handle so much of the same thing. Mebbe try odd recurring rhymes,or rhymes that follow a rhythm rather than a set pattern. The concepts are good, but try to throw a monkey wrench somewhere into that perfectly predictable perfection. This seems a theme in all your work and I always like what you have to say, the scheme just gets old. Nice thoughts, but mix it up a little, eh?
I know you'll probably hate me forever now, and Debra and all the associated clan will too, but I don't really know you so I'm free to be totally honest. Please forgive me.
Brutal honesty is my hallmark. Not that I'm necessarily correct as it's just my opinion, but you never have to guess how I feel, because I'll tell you.
Cheers, Enoq. I shall await your hopefully-not-heavy-handed reply with bated breath.
al
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Well
Fear not truth sayer! I have no intentions of tearing anyone up for voicing an honest opinion. I do tend to use similar rhyme schemes a lot. I am quite OCD and I need structure to be inspired. I noticed that you have not read that many of my pieces and perhaps the repetition you are noticing is more due to lack of exposure. It is true that using the same sing songy method can get monotonous and even boring at times. In truth I often find myself more inspired by the meter then the message. That is just one of the things I can not avoid. Just to be diligent though I went back and looked and out of the 34 poems I have posted only 5 of them have the same rhyme scheme. As far as not using a scheme at all you may find that my free style is quite lacking in inspiration or motivation, this is a result of the fore mentioned OCD.
I love suggestion and even more so I appreciate you taking the time to even read little lone comment on my work. As far as this issue goes I will have to respectfully disagree due to the fact that 'I am's what I am's and that's all that's I am's'.
Cheers mate. -
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Hey Enoq
perhaps I need to give you some more reads. I'll do that.
al
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Wonderful Enoq!
As excepted from Enoq a highly inspiration peace with wonderful rhythms, and a story that flows like a stream of water. It seems to depict the importance of reading and gaining knowledge I'm not sure if interpretation is right but the poem has so many levels and can be seen in a story like way or a sort of metaphysical way. Not sure if that's what you where going for but that's just what I thought.
Keep up the wonderful writes Enoq
Distant Unknown
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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different interpretation?
I feel this as a quest of knowledge rather than any of the other's ideas. Why not read the manual instead of trying to fix it yourself?
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Desire for clear guidance, but failure to apply it when you have it? Wanting to do your own thing, explore and make new discoveries, afraid to venture out without a map, but too rebellious to consult the map? Feeling lost, confused, and indecisive? Those are the things I read into this, anyway.
Your writing seems to be getting more disciplined lately. I like the turn it's taking. The rhyme and meter here are quite good. The subject seems capable of several interpretations, which is good too. Great Job!
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Definitely Captivating:D,
it says alot, it could be taken in a religious POV, (however i'm not really much of the religious type) Still a Great Poem Enoq
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my tiny POV
In light of my current struggles this speaks to be about neglecting to learn spiritual lessons.
… or is it about Columbus 1492? LOL!!
Very intriguing either way
My favorite lines:
Neither sure how to overcome this test,
using their empty hands.
&
“Neither of these tormented souls prevailed,
for neither read their books.”
AGAPE
Carly
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