I see your bright eyes light in the stars
You sound different in a way from so far
I stop myself half-way before walking up to you
I didn't think I would have to see you so soon
I want to hold you here in my arms
I want to wipe away all of your charms
since I don't want any others to see
how precious and fragile you really can be
I want to be yours, just for one day
Won't you keep all of this pain at bay?
Won't you call me your girl once more
even if you did more tenderly before?
Don't you see my fractured heart?
Don't you see we can never be apart?
Didn't you see we were a perfect pair?
Didn't you see how much I would care?
I watch you and slowly turn away
and tell myself that this isn't the day...
I need to maintain my self-control
and admit the fact that we can never be whole
Author notes
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Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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love this one to! you are truly a remarkable writer! :]
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Beautiful Language
Its definite a sad poem that emanates emotion, the language is wonderfully descriptive. My favorite stanza is :
"Don't you see my fractured heart?
Don't you see we can never be apart?
Didn't you see we were a perfect pair?
Didn't you see how much I would care?"
It has a questioning element that makes the reader really understand the emotion behind the words. Very well written Inkling.
Distant Unknown
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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Yaaay. 'Nother comment.
Ohhh, yeah. Thank you. 
And...umm...stuff. Yeah. I'm not good with replying to comments. 
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Its all good I was happy to comment
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Such a sad love poem.
The young man you wrote this for is very lucky, even if he doesn't realize it. It's a shame we can't always make those we love understand just how much they mean to us. It's even more of a shame that we can't always be with the ones we love, for whatever reasons. I like the form you chose. This has a pretty good rhythm and the rhyme is well done. Your second line seems off the way you did it for the rhyme though. You might consider something like:
You sound different in a way from so far. Good job.
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Omg. You suck. I was still editing. Wait, no. Sorry. You don't suck. I say that to every one. I SWEAR. T.T Thanks for commenting, though. I was looking for something to sound better in the second line.
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