Round Robin For Christmas (Parody)

Dear all

This year has been yet another providential one for our family. You'll see something of our Christmas chez nous in Hello magazine, you know all those technicolour nonsense shots around the Agha like she who shares my bed would ever dirty her cuticles near any oven when there's a perfectly good French au pair to serve up the goodies when they've been biked round by courier from the Ivy. The twins Jocasta and Tristram's academic careers continue to be stratospheric; I let my publisher see a synopsis of their theses and offers are on the table to sign them up so two more authors in the family seems on the agenda in the New Year.
Beatrix's latest animal saga is threatening to be the new Harry Potter so I'll have to look to my laurels. Crime isn't the profitable business it was lately but I can feel a autobiographical urge and a book in it on our little familial artistic colony in Notting Hill, there is a lot of understandable interest in my multi-talented brood and my stunner of a spouse will be gracing the cover and the supplements tout a l'heure, watch this space my good friends.
And finally it wouldn't do not to mention in passing, did you hear? That quarter of a million win on the lottery I cannot deny being moderately handy given the cost of air travel these days so that was really nice..
I wish you every success and prosperity in the New Year.
(not really – read all my family triumphs losers, and weep)