Isn't it funny how the world works?
You can share anything with your best friend
except for toothbrushes and boyfriends
who happen to be worth a lot less
than your favorite shoes and secrets.
And when you think about it
the little girls jumping rope on the sidewalk
are just like you
except if you were Cinderella
dressed in yellow
who went upstairs to kiss your fellow,
you won't make the mistake
of kissing the snake
but you get tired of these little games
and no number of doctors
would be able to cure
Cinderella dressed in pink
who writes nasty little things in ink
who laughs and talks and eats and drinks
and pukes into the kitchen sink
Author notes
You know that little jump rope rhyme
"Cinderella dressed in yellow
went upstairs to kiss her fellow
made a mistake and kissed a snake
how many doctors did it take"
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Too cool!
I wrote this in response to your poem which your poem directly inspired. Thanks!
This New York Song
___________________
Concrete children unfolding like roses,
crumbling, tumbling, skipping their rope.
Too unsafe to smile, so afraid to run.
Dry rope frays in the setting sun.
Clouds flee to the cracks
chasing the hobos down forsaken roads.
Unkempt smiles and forgotten eyes scan brick pavement
for gold coins spewed from the towers.
Could you imagine finding just one?
Their petals close tenderly as the city falls to sleep.
Miss Liberty gets teary eyed as the hobos scatter.
Car and truck horns, sirens wailing, and tenants cursing
create this New York song.
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wow, what an amazing poem you wrote, I really love it and I'm not saying that just to be polite
Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate it
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This reminds me of a hot summer day in a New York or Chicago suburb.
Pre-teen girls gather with jump ropes in hand to perfect their routines. I can see how these poems would stick in a young child's mind. I have heard some of these poems uttered by young girls jumping rope on movies and such. I think this was very well thought out. I enjoyed the read and was also inspired to write something along these lines.
Thanks for the read! -
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!
I have not ever been to NY either. The city does lend a poet a plethora of inspiration though. I have never used the word plethora in a sentence in my whole life.(lol)
That's too cool.
Thanks again for the comment on my comment, um...yeah. Have a great night!
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hey Cee Li LoL
sorry I just love the way that sounds. Anyways I thought that the poem was written nicely and I agree with W and think that the strongest points of the poem are the beginning and the end, My favorite lines were...
"You can share anything with your best friend
except for toothbrushes and boyfriends
who happen to be worth a lot less
than your favorite shoes and secrets."
A very well thought out idea and something that rings true for sure with girls but if you were to change some of the things it could even work for guys too. I'm not suggesting you change anything though. I'm just saying that a guy can relate to the same thing just sharing shoes and secrets or gossip aren't really things that guys partake in. Well of course everybody talks and gossips except it's different with guys. Anyways good write, I enjoyed reading it very much. Good job and thanks for sharing!
Hope to hear from ya sometime soon.
TTYL
MM
language: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 3, form: 3.
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hmm I agree, but if I change the poem so that guys can relate to it too I would have to change the whole thing, like Cinderella and everything, I hope you understand, I guess it is stuck the way it is
thank you very much for reading and commenting -
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LoL
You must have misunderstood what I meant when I said that...I'll show you a snippet of what I wrote "A very well thought out idea and something that rings true for sure with girls but if you were to change some of the things it could even work for guys too. I'm not suggesting you change anything though. I'm just saying that a guy can relate to the same thing..."
I didn't want you to change anything about the poem. I think it's great and stands nicely as is. I was just saying it's just a bit easier for girls to relate than guys, but yet EVERYBODY can still relate to the poem. Which is a very good thing to have in a poem. Though it's directed towards one gender it's relatable to both. I'm sure the transsexuals can relate the best though LoL
TTYSoon
MM -
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Oh ok thank you, I think transsexuals can relate to anything
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hello, cee...i am not at all familiar with the "jump rope" rhyme that you were referring to in your poem...but i like your poem a lot. it has a fresh note to it that makes it very fun to read.
thanks for sharing this piece.
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Wow I guess only my friends used the Cinderella rhyme then, Thanks for reading this, glad you liked it!!!
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I Likee It! :)
I Like A Lot! Your Writing ! The language you used and the way you put together the words! & i Loveee! The rhymes!
rhythm: 4.
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Thank you very much, half of them werent really mine though
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To rhyme or not to rhyme.....
Hey Cee. As usual you have a nice little conceit worked out for this one and it's refershingly quirky. I found it strongest at the beginning and end. In the middle there seems to be quite a lot of rhyme with a meter doing its best to insinuate itself in there and hi-jack the whole project. Actually rhyming meter would not be out of place in a poem about skipping rope rhymes, but if you're going to do it, i think you need to 'go the whole hog'. As it stands it's neither really fish nor fowl. However your quirkiness and lightness of tone redeem it hugely as always and, as always with your stuff, I enjoyed reading this. >W< -
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Thanks, I'm really bad at rhyme though, and this might just be me but poems with perfect rhymes and perfect rhythms sound a little stiff to me unless they're written a certain way, and besides, sometimes people trip over ropes. I'm not trying to go for any kind of "effect" and this poem is meant to be read really casually like almost half-heartedly, I hope you know what I mean, thanks again!!!
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I'm not familiar with that jump rope line, but I did love how you used that in the poem. I liked the part about toothbrushes and boyfriends too. Good job!
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Are you serious, you dont know the Cinderella rhyme?? Thank you very much!!!!!
Do you know the one that goes "Ice cream sundae cherry on top, who's your boyfriend I forgot"? -
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Umm... I guess those rhymes are just not popular where I live. Haha. Anyway, I've picked up a great idea from you -- incorporating children's rhymes into poetry. Thanks!
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Talk about ripping a jump rope rhyme to shreds,it seems you can see through things with ease,the opening lines in this are great,
you are a very original thinker,
great poem
rhet
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Thank you, I think this is the most twisted poem I have ever written, I used to love jump roping, I remember a bunch of rhymes
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