Last night I stopped a suicide
I saw the world through anothers eyes
I saw their world
And felt their pain
And didn't know quite what to say
Last night I stopped my suicide
I saw the world
And thought it through
And I really don't know what to do
Comments
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It reminds me of "Kiss of Dawn"-HIM.It talks about suicide and how the other persons deals with it.It's really good the way you've written it.I like the simplicity in your poem.I'd like to see another stanza too.I guess the poem would be a bit more completed.
Tria E
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I really like this (sorry, it's a useless comment, I really dont have much to say!)
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Great piece
I feel like its not finished however. I would love to see a final stanza to this. I like the process the reader goes through when reading this. It starts with a 3rd person watching sympathy in action but then puts the reader in the position that the writer was in on the first stanza. I hope you decided to add more because this has a LOT of potential.
language: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 3.
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