It's ruined
Once again
I try to get people
To get along
Like that's possible.
Fight.....
Fight...
Fight..
Why?
Can't you all just get
Along
For once?
It's my birthday party...
And now it's ruined..
Author notes
True. Everyone went in groups and started getting mad at eachother.
Comments
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OUCH!
I would suggest this, instead of:
It's ruined
Once again
I try to get people
To get along
Like that's possible.
I might put it in this:
It's ruined
Once again
I tried to get people
To get along
Like that's possible.
When "It's ruined" is seperated from "Once again...", The word and space shots the reader's heart.
I like the last words, it torned my heart, deeply. The poem is like saying instead of expressing, which is also good.
"This poem is a memorization of the author's feelings. It may be short, but yet very significant. This poem is for the poet to share to the world, for they will realize how the poet felt as the poet say this poem slowly and clearly. The pooem will clear the people's heart of violence."
KEEP WRITING WITH YOUR HEART!!!
language: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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Thanks Sheena
xD
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I'm sorry to hear this.
It sometimes seems that when we desire or need people to get along the most is when it is the most difficult to get them to. I've had experiences like this. I'm very sorry you have too. It is bad enough to have people you care about fight. To have them fight and ruin your birthday party is an awful feeling. Again, I'm sorry to hear this.
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Bravo
This is so true hope people just sometimes can't get along! I'm sorry it was ruined for you and its never pleasant to watch people fight. Anyway I always love reading your poems keep up the good work.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 4.
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