In a Flash
Memories of my life passed before my eyes
like a movie compiled of flashbacks
It began with the day of my birth
Premature. A miracle if she lives
I heard but did not understand
I also did not understand my pain
My little body wants something
More than wants; it craves something
I used to get it from my mommy
Now I'm feeling sick without it
They wouldn't let Mommy take me
I heard the words unfit and addict
I grew up in places called foster homes
Most of them took good care of me
Some of the places I didn't like
At one of the places that I lived
the woman only feed me enough to
keep me just on the verge of healthy
She never wanted to hold me and
hated the idea of playing with me
Another place had a wonderful woman
She seemed to love me so very much
Her husband really loved me too
I didn't understand why I couldn't
stay with them forever and ever
For some reason I had to move on
The next place had another nice woman
I think her boyfriend liked me too much
When she wasn't looking or was asleep he
kissed and touched me and made me feel bad
I was moved to a home with a very nice man
though I just couldn't learn to trust him
His wife taught me to listen very well
If I didn't do things the way she liked
she would often burn me with her cigarettes
Then one day my real mommy came and saved me
She had gotten better; she wasn't addicted anymore
We were very happy...at least for a little while
Then she just stopped taking good care of me
Even worse was her boyfriend who liked me too much
He didn't wait for Mommy to look away or sleep
He would give her a little package of something
Then he would pull me into the bedroom and
do bad things to me that made me feel awful
Sometimes he did them right in front of Mommy
Today as I was slowly walking home from school
I was praying for something to stop Mommy's boyfriend
from hurting me with the bad things he did to me
Suddenly I saw a bright light and an Angel before me
The Angel said to come with her into the light
As I reached for her hand these images of my life
passed before my eyes along with many others
A bullet meant for someone else had found me instead
It had freed me from the Hell that I had been living
In a flash I was finally alive; free to live in Heaven
Author notes
I'm not sure where this came from but it said I had to write it.
Comments
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I, well i'm not sure how to reply i guess? I feel sorrow, and pain, and...well so much! An amazing poem i must say about pain and suffering. I like how you're not afraid to let things get personal. It's an awe-inspiring piece. To agree with Jas, i had to pick my jaw up off the floor.
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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fascinating
This poem pulled me in and i was actually kind of sad that it had to end. I had to snap my mouth shut after i relized it was WIDE open. my favorite part:
"It had freed me from the Hell that I had been living
In a flash I was finally alive; free to live in Heaven"
I really enjoyed it. kepp writing
Power to your pen,
-Jas.
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WOW ,, wow the more i read da closer ma face came to the screen = ]
this was a powerful poem !!!!!!!
i enjoyed this along with jus about all your poems . you are a very talented writer ! i enjoy your work keep it up
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Hey Brian,
The subjective tone and the poem overall gave me an upshot of reading an insightful novel...Surely you make a good story writer along with your poetic potentials..To display the streak of emotions of a foster kid is not that easy unless you are one..Moreover, dealing with such sensitive issues certainly needs a skill to standardize and maintain the gradation of the thoughts thoroughly..You seem to be doing it really well..that was indeed heartening..Thanks so much for sharing..
RhythmDivine
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Thank you,
for taking the time to leave me a comment. I truly appreciate that. I'm grateful for each of the wonderful compliments you have handed me here. This is without question the first time I've had someone compare one of my poems to a novel, let alone an insightful one. I do indeed have some short stories as well.
I've never had anything even close to any of this happen to me. I've never even known anyone who grew up in foster homes either. As I said in my notes and in other replies, I don't know where this poem came from.
I can tell you that I felt extreme emotions as I wrote it. I tried to avoid writing this because of what it was to be honest. Yet it was insistent on being written. I'm glad you found it to be well done and so very heartening. Thanks again.
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Stunning.
Wow. Wow. Wooooow. This was amazing.
I was pulled in the whole time. I was shocked by some parts of it. . . I love that.
I love being pulled into a write emotionally. I try to write so the reader will be sucked in and understand and know what I feel.
This is a little long, which is not a bad thing at all. My attention was held firmly in the grasp of your words. I feel like it just took that many words to tell the whole story.
The form fits well and the stanzas help keep it spaced out and the rythm timed and even.
Stunning.
-Krista
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Thank you,
so very much for the comment on this one. It was difficult for me to write. Not hard in the way of knowing what to write but rather tough to write in the emotional sense. I didn't know where this was going when I started writing what I heard. I was more than shocked by parts of it. It ripped my heart out. For the rest of that night I was depressed. You are right about the length. That was the story and it could be told in no less words. I'm glad you felt it was all done correctly. Thanks again.
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good
Very touching .It makes my heart bleed to even read about such things. Abuse in any form is horrible. You have dealt with the theme very well
keep it up ,more power to your pen -
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Thank you
This was very emotional for me. I tried not to write this to be honest. It insisted though and so I gave in and wrote it. I would agree that any abuse is a terrible thing. I'm glad you felt I did this justice. Thank you again.
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Fantastic!
I love this poem! This is so wonderfully written, It sounds just like a child. You did a wonderful job portraying the confusion and anger that comes with something so traumatizing. I was reading with tears pooling at the corners of my eyes. My favorite kind of poems are the ones that portray strong and meaningful emotions and this one fits that to a tee. Once again, Fantastic!
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Thank you
I'm glad that you found it so moving. I was very emotionally charged while writing this. If your tears only pooled at the corners of your eyes then you did better than I do. This makes me cry almost every time I read it or reply to a comment on it. I'm glad you felt that it was well portrayed. I couldn't say where this came from but it felt like I was telling a true story. Thanks again.
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This is such a beautiful poem Brian. I would really like to find out where you got the inspiration for such an amazing poem. When I started it, I thought it was about you, but as I read on, I realized it could be telling a story about anyone. I had a friend once who was a foster child. This was exactly her story and that also amazed me about this poem. It is so real and true and it tells a story about what happens daily in this cruel world. All in all, you did a wonderful job with this poem. Good work!
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Thank you
I'm glad you could appreciate it. I really don't know where this poem came from. It was very late when I went to bed one night and this poem started to develop in my mind. I ignored it and went to bed. The next day it kept coming into my mind until I finally wrote it. It shook me up while I was writing it. I could feel the heartache. When I was finished I was rather depressed for the rest of the night and yet didn't really know why. As I told someone else, perhaps some childs voice was heard through me. Thanks again.
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awe, this is so beautiful yet so sadness great write I can feel the emotion in this piece very well written
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Thank you
Indeed this poem is filled with sadness. I felt the heartache of this when I wrote it. It still stirs me when I read it. Thank you for the compliment.
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noice brian noice. kudos my man.
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I was expecting a happy ending and I got one mixed with unhappiness. I have to admit I had some tears in my eyes reading this one. It's absolutely disgusting how some people treat one another in this world but reading or hearing about it brings truth to our eyes. And sometimes it's strong enough to change lives for the better. Thank you for sharing your visions with us, Brian.
language: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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Thank you,
for taking the time to not only read but comment on my work. I'd never written anything like this before. As I've said many times I don't know why I felt compelled to write it. When I was going to sleep one night this came into my mind. I ignored it and went to sleep as it was very late. The next day it was still there, insisting that I write it, so I did. It stirs my emotions every time I reply to a comment on it. Thanks again.
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What a fantastic ending Brian! Was not quite picturing this poem ending the way that it did. I was more expecting that she would move to somewhere safer or at least, something better would happen in her life.
I was never a foster child. I can only imagine some of the horrors, now that your poem has shed some light on the subject. Were you writing this from personal experience,
or were you writing from another person's point of view?
This piece of work shows much talent. I also love writing stories or poems that end up being total irony, even if they don't start out to even be that type of a poem. These type of poems just sort of bend and twist in the wind to become what they will. That's what I liked about this also was the raw genuineness of it. It hadf a real feel to it all the way through. Suffice it to say,
I think you are a brilliant writer! Bravo!language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thank you
I usually don't know where a poem is going when I start it. It's the same way when I write short stories. I generally let the story or poem decide where it is going to go. I've never had anything even close to any of this happen to me. I've never even known anyone who grew up in foster homes either. As I said in my notes and in another reply, I don't know where this poem came from. It just told me to write it. That is to say that as with a lot of my poetry I simply started hearing it and feeling the need to write it down. Your compliments overwhelm me. Sometimes I'm not sure how much talent is involved in my writing. It often just pours out and all I do is write it down. At times I will hear a stanza while I'm driving or something and I'll just repeat it in my head and then another will join it. I generally continue in that manner and end up with something worth writing down. Other times I will accept that I'm applying some level of skill, such as when someone request a poem on a certain topic or with certain words. This poem felt real to me as well. It truly felt as though I were telling someones story for them. As I was writing it I could feel the heartache this child must have felt. It stirs my emotions deeply each time I re-read it. Again, Thank you so very much.
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hi, bri. i really like the story of the poem...it is so sad because of its truthfulness. you are really a great spinner of stories, bri, even if you don't know where this came from...
however, as much as i really like your poem...i also have to be honest...i hope you don't mind if i will be honest in saying that this poem still needs some work pertaining to the structure and a little bit of grammar...if you like, i could point them out to you...but, that is only if you like...
hehehe...let me hear from you on this...because i'd like to read it again when you've polished it up a bit...i would just like to let you know though that this is already a gem...an unpolished gem, but a gem nevertheless.
hope to hear from you.
regards,
leigh -
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Thank you
For not only reading my work and taking the time to comment but also and always for your honesty. You never need to ask me to give your honest opinion or any and all advice or suggestions you have. I more than welcome anything you have to offer. Please feel free to come back and let me know what you are thinking or message it to me whichever you prefer. I never guarantee I'll make the suggested changes but I often do. I would really appreciate it if you would like to let me know what you had in mind. As I said in the future you don't need to hold back. I welcome any and all advice and suggestions. Thanks -
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:)
hi, bri...i'm glad that you appreciate my honesty.
now, here is what i had in mind:
"Memories of my life passed before my eyes
like a movie compiled of flashbacks.
It began with the day of my birth,
Premature. A miracle if she lives,
I heard but did not understand.
I also did not understand my pain.
(My little body wants something
More than wants - i don't know, but maybe you were thinking of another word when you put in the "wants" at the end...i just could get this here, maybe i'm just lost, hehehe...help me understand); it craves something
I used to get from my mommy.
Now, I'm feeling sick without it.
They wouldn't let Mommy take me.
I heard the words unfit and addict.
I grew up in places called foster homes,
Most of them took good care of me,
Some of the places I didn't like.
At one of the places that I lived,
the woman only fed me enough to
keep me just on the verge of healthy.
She never wanted to hold me and
hated the idea of playing with me.
Another place had a wonderful woman,
She seemed to love me so very much.
Her husband really loved me, too.
I didn't understand why I couldn't
stay with them forever and ever.
For some reason I had to move on.
The next place had another nice woman,
But, I think her boyfriend liked me too much.
When she wasn't looking or was asleep, he
kissed and touched me and made me feel bad.
I was then moved to a home with a very nice man
though I just couldn't learn to trust him.
His wife taught me to listen very well.
If I didn't do things the way she liked,
she would often burn me with her cigarettes.
Then, one day my real mommy came and saved me.
She had gotten better, she wasn't addicted anymore.
We were very happy...at least for a little while.
Then she just stopped taking good care of me,
Even worse was her boyfriend who liked me too much.
He didn't wait for Mommy to look away or sleep.
He would give her a little package of something,
Then he would pull me into the bedroom and
do bad things to me that made me feel awful.
Sometimes he did them right in front of Mommy.
Today, as I was slowly walking home from school,
I was praying for something to stop Mommy's boyfriend
from hurting me with the bad things he did.
Suddenly, I saw a bright light and an Angel before me.
The Angel told me to come with her into the light.
As I reached for her hand these images of my life
passed before my eyes along with many others.
A bullet meant for someone else had found me instead,
It had freed me from the Hell that I had been living.
In a flash I was finally alive; free to live in Heaven."
as you said, you may or may not adhere to the suggestions i made to your poem...and that would be okay with me...anyways, the story of your poem is already great.
always,
leigh
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Wow. Just..wow. You amaze me yet again, Brian. You have touched emotions even the bravest and truest poets often leave untouched. This was very strong, and I found myself actually feeling the pain. The ending was brilliant, probably my favorite.
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Thank you very much.
That means a lot to me coming from you. I just felt that I had to write this. I can't name any point of inspiration at all. I just felt it wanted to be written. I too felt a strong heartache while I wrote this. Thank you again.
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So far I like the beginning it's really good. I know how you feel your body craves something, but you can't seem to catch what you want. I love your poem It is very deep. and as I read it I got what you where talking about. Glad I read this piece another good one.
Your friend,
Chandra C.
*hug
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Thank you
I'm glad you saw what I was talking about. I was going to spell it out but I've heard many times to let the reader to some work so I left it the way it was. I'm really glad you liked it. Thanks again.
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this is so sad. but has happened more than we would ever imagine.
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Thank you
for the comment. I felt this heartache as I wrote it. Unfortunately it does happen all too often.
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WoW!
Hi Brian.! As Many Of Ypur Poemss! Great!
I Like This oner very much cause is really very deep! ad i loove poems that make us think ..
Wanna See More Of Your Poems!! Keep! Writing!
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< Thank you
I'd never written anything like this before. As I said in my Author notes I don't know where it came from. It was just there and I had to write it. Perhaps out there somewhere there is a child's voice that has just been heard through me. I really don't know.
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