People have history
they go back together
and so do houses
and the people
living in those houses
and there was something wrong
with the toilet
and me and the old lady
tried to fix it
but there was water
shooting all over the place
so I got mad and yelled at her
because of my incompetence
so we called the plumber
who fixed it somewhat
but the toilet kept losing water
and refilling
but I learned from my failure
the flapper was no good
and I replaced it
and the toilet works somewhat
but the toilet has lost
some of its previous power
and a good dump
with an equally good
ass wiping
clogs it up
so the old lady
got a stick
that you have to
stick through the
tissue and turds
as you flush
to unplug it
which kind of feels like
spear fishing
meanwhile since the
post-broken-toilet-days
the old lady and I
had a baby girl
who will one day
have to learn
to spear her turds
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Toiletry In Motion.
Hi Dave. This sounds like a tale from some turd world country.
Enough to bowl anyone over. I flushed scarlet as I read this crock of deadpan humour. I laughed myself potty. You warm oursouls with your words, mate.
Errr...
Ok I could get the history but I wasn´t too sure what the lesson was Dave.
Hope xmas wasn´t too shitty and that you have a fine ending to this anus horribilis.
Warmest regards
damnIcan´tthinkofanythingshittytofitgGinto -
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hey damnican 'tthinkofanythingshittytofitGinto
your nom de plume is getting a little long there. anyway as you see my writings going down the tiolet. as for history didyaknow it was John Crapper who invented the tiolet.
x-mas sucks
cheers
dave
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I also enjoyed your contrast of title and subject matter. And I really loved the break down of the first stanza by going into a seemingly neverending second, reflecting your epic fight with that turd!
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hey Gmh
havent seen your around for awhile. thanks for commenting
dave
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O-K.....
Before clicking this poem, i thought it was about history, feelings, and such. But i never-ever thought that it was about toilet! But the poem started from the title and it wen't down to the toilet smoothely and you stop at talk about toilet! How funny this is! Your poem gave me a brief picture of what was happening, even though i'm very terribly bad imagining the picture of words that are hard for me to understand. LOL... Anyways, your poem gives the reader of how you can chose the prfect words to make such a picture in the reader's mind. And makes the readers open their mouths and laugh through the poem!
KEEP WRITING!!!!
language: 3, rhythm: 3, subject: 2, tone: 1, form: 2.
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hey bigC
i think what you were saying is...'thanks for the visual.
dave
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hahahah!
when i checked out "history lesson", i did not expect to be reading about turds, dave...much less spearheading them
you are really one of the most different yet most amusing poets that i know...you never fail to either amaze me or make me laugh with your poems...i can just imagine you and your wife and the water shooting all around and then with her using that stick to unplug your toilet, which was full of your good dump...heheheh! hilarious!
a nice way to start my day
thanks.
leigh
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hey leigh
glad i didn't gross you out. i like to write something like this every so often to remind myself nothings off limits.
thanks
dave
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perhaps you should give Plumeister a call, hahaha
Dave,
spearfishing terds? haha. you're writting your legacy, Dave. this poem is a hoot. it shows your lighter side. although it is still "potty-talk" in it's purest sense. and it is unashamedly revievling, as always. oh the joys of owning a home and raising a family! i can't wait. really.
always,
Pap
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hey pap
thanks for the insightful comment. it really was about a "kodak moment" as opposed to just a tiolet. occasionaly i do like to the potty humor it reminds me that nothing is off limits in poetry, and keeps me mentally unbarrickcaded.
i'll drop you a line soon.
dave
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A good dump with an equally good ass wiping indeed,at this point i feel compelled to quote Bukowski again;
"Sex is interesting,but it is not totally important.I mean its not even as important(physically) as excretion.A man can go seventy years without a piece of ass,but he can die in a week without a bowel movement".
The ending softens the blow,how you can find humour out of a blocked up toilet is impressive,i`ve had many a good beer shit to spear in my time,the worst bit is when soaking shit-stained bog roll gets entangled among the bristles of the toilet brush
great work
rhet
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Bold and uncompromising
Hey Professor. You're mood seems dark just now, and this walks the ragged edge of good taste. But it's smart and edgy enough to draw a good, if ever so slightly nervous, laugh at the end. A very raw and uncompromising look at the human condition. Strong stuff. Good write. >W<
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hey W
thanks for getting only so grossed out. it seems i have to write these every so often to keep the old bowels loose.
thanks
dave
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