A feeling
always comes to me
a feeling of
ever-lasting thought
I don't quite
understand this
But my soul keeps saying:
" it's better to be in 'Silence' "
Somethimes, this soul
is right
I quite agree
and quite
disagree
I don't know why
but 'Silence' is what
I say an
"Everlasting Breath"
You might not
understand me
But I wanna be alone
You might not even
notice me-
when i'm going
to die
For everyone,
they'll feel like it
never-ever had
happened
...
..
.
.
.
..
.
by "SileNCE Cries*
Author notes
I just thought of this. I know it's not good, but i just wrote it 'cause i was bored... Hope you like it!
Can my family give me a peace and quite?
Comments
-
Some families are dysfuctional, but I'm always here!
This has some serious potential, but it needs a little editing..Smooth out the edges, you know? Anyways, I hope you don't mind, but I've made some changes that I think will really help your poem.
A feeling
always comes to me
a feeling of
ever-lasting thought
I don't quite
understand life
But my soul keeps saying,
"It's better to be silent..."
Sometimes, this soul
is right
I agree
I disagree
I don't know why
but 'ilence is ab
Everlasting Breath
You might not
understand me
You might not even
notice me-
But I want to be alone
When I'm going
to die
For everyone,
they'll feel like it
Never happened..
Hope I didn't impose...Well, I know I did, but I hope you don't mind! Feel free to completely ignore this. =] -
you have a good idea going on here and if you will pore on this poem a bit more, i know you can do some improvements that will elevate this into being a great piece..."silence", i always say, can be a good subject for a poem...just pay attention on the spelling and the fluidity of your poem when it comes to spilling out your thoughts.
so, please do let me know if you've done some revisions, as i'll be glad to read this and comment on it again...and if you need my help, you can message me anytime.
leigh
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