They say.....

I will not stop this ceaseless addiction
I will not smile in its wake
I will not wait for it to wrap
An ending around
Me
Gleefully forcing me into a wakeful nightmare
Until I know this world is real
Until I know this pain is
Not what I feel
But what is heard within
What scratches inside me
Poor, poor bleeding me

Until the dirt ceases
Dusting my appearance
A brush of paint
Over my eyelids
I
Will not be free
Until I
Am me
Again

See, I fell prey
To a bottle of white, you might say
Powder
Solid
Dusting its way into
Me
Crystalline
Glimmering violently
Shoving into me, a disease
Which, achingly, has no cure
But the feeling it causes is so pure
Drowned
Not a sound
My heart gives a silent, pleading pound
The only feeling real to me right now
These pills in my hand
Six
Perhaps
Seven
Why not eleven?
Are an overdose
They scream as they lay in my hand
They wish to be dissolved
Inside my
Breathing, dead corpse
They glow
Merciful
Laying deep, low
Silent inside of me
Leaking poison and whispering deceits
While my medicated heart barely beats

So I can now take off my mask and
Breathe. Gasping for
Weariness
Being drowsy means that I
Can get away from what I
Truly hate
A lie, fate
My life

Tie me up and force
This stone into my mind
I cannot find
My senses
It all rewinds
Back to the place I was before
I
Stoned myself
With these little white pills
Dusted
Rusted
And I must
Have them

Without these ivory gems
I
Am not able to deal
There is nothing here to feel
But the breaths I can take
When my lungs barely heave
Gasping for air in my weariness
I reach out for the things that are not there
They call those
Hallucinations
I call it
Beauty
They call me an addict
And this
These pills
An addiction
I call them
Hypocrites
And these pills
Saviors

They can say what they want but
They don’t know
They will never know