Play some melodies
to get me swinging on my feet
a guitar solo
or a jazz symphony
add a tambourine
and a rhythm to that beat
I can still dance
while you're playing out of key
Comments
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Hey, Cee.
Your poetry sort of reminds me of mine from a couple of years ago, except better. You're succinct, which is definitely a good thing, and seem to explore moments, sometimes silly sometimes poignant, etc. etc. (I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know hahaha)I think you have loads of talent! I mean, here you have only eight lines, and they're really simple, right? Well, perhaps. But I get the feeling of myriad concerts I've been to, it reminds me of the red haziness sitting around listening to something new that's building (that's such a cool image you have, starting with a guitar solo building to a "jazz symphony"--have you ever heard of Shostakovich? he wrote a jazz suite that is bad ass--adding things in...do you play an instrument? It seems like you must), and at the same time, there's so much more there. I mean, dancing is such an integral part of music. And so is tone, and key. So that last line really punches me. Is it that you're dancing and so caught up in this rhythm that you're somewhere else? Or maybe that flaw is not such a big deal. Either way, I like that you don't specify. Mystery is part of what makes poetry so wonderful and universal.
Great job. I've enjoyed reading your stuff, and I'll hopefully continue to do so (I'm not around too much anymore, though, so I apologize if the comments are few and far between). Keep up the good work.
Nienna
PS In line 5 I believe "tamborine" should be "tambourine." -
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Thank you!! I havent heard much jazz actually, this poem is just about having an open mind and being able to dance whatever kind of music there is, because you really can dance to all kinds of things, and basically it's about not worrying about what to dance to and whether the musician is on key or not because the little things will never be perfect and if you expect it to be so it will ruin your fun
I used to play the piano and I hated it (although it did help me a lot) but now I am really into singing and I love it
and thank you for catching the spelling mistake
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Well you incorporate music really flawlessly into your work. Kudos (you should look into some jazz, it's a whole wonderful world).
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I will, definitely
thanks again!!
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this poem has a sad feel about it like a long relationship thats lost its spark or like a person who wants to feel young and alive again,thats what i get from it anyway
rhet
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hmm really, well actually to me this is about a very easy and effortless relationship where they arent perfect but are very nice and flexible about it, but this poem is open to any kind of interpretation of course thank you!!
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i`ve never had one of those relationships hence my comment
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ha ha I win because I've never had any kind of relationships, maybe you're right though because they might be non existant but what do i know
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