I’m
Ugly on the outside
Horrid on the inside
Faceless underneath it all
So many times I have let myself fall
How can he love me?
How can he adore a monster so revolting?
How can he tell me I’m beautiful? He’s so wrong
I am so weak, yet he says I am strong
He says I’m the one he’s been looking for
For so long
But he’s wrong
He doesn’t know
How horrible I am inside
He doesn’t know what my mask hides
I am spineless, powerless
Promiscuous
I’m choking on my pride
Oh, I am such a mess
But he cannot see
Through the plaster that conceals me
He thinks the mask is really me, but it cannot be
He tells the truth inside a lie
He fills me with life as I continue to die
And I cannot tell why
I feel this way
I just know that I am dead inside
Everything within has gone to rot
And I confess I don’t know how I got
This way
Not without him
Never without him
I look behind the past and try to figure
How my life would be without him
I cannot see my heart
Beating without him as my work of art
He saw me as I was and painted a picture
Though I wish I could tell him
He can’t fix my hideousness
Even the makeup cannot deceive
The way I have begun to grieve
Yet
He tells me
Everyday
Baby
You’re beautiful
You are my everything
When I ask him why
He cannot tell me, he only sighs
“Unexplainable”, he says
“But it’s no lie”
“You are the reason I fight for my life”
Why can’t I believe these words
That he so willingly says to me?
Why can’t I stand him looking at me?
I want to hide from him, in all my hideousness
My impurity
He cannot see this
He does not know that I
Cannot stand the face I see within the mirror
So many times I have been ashamed
So very ashamed
The desire to smash the reflection before me
So hideous, she is!
Who is that girl?
I scream in a whisper at the disgusting reflection
Yet
He tells me
Baby, you’re beautiful.
What does he see that I cannot?
Is there something there that I forgot?
I see a face that has begun to rot
But he sees
What I am not
The mirror shows a face I want to destroy
But him, he says, my eyes fill him with joy
How can he love someone as dreadful as me?
Why can’t he look within, and see what I see?
I am in a horror movie with him
The center actress, I am
With a mask on my face to hide what I am
And the scars underneath to show what I’ve been
But to him
I am such a good actress, so wonderful
He cannot see my flaws
He cocks his head to the side with a pause
Then he says
Baby, you’re so beautiful
You are wonderful to me
God, can he not see?
I am horrible inside. I am filled with guilt
I am a dying rose continuing to wilt
Deeper still
I am a terrible person. I know it is true
But this doesn’t stop him from saying
Baby, I love you
I guess, inside I know
I will live with my self esteem
At an all time low
It frustrates me now
Why can’t I look at myself and be
Content with who I am?
Why can’t I see what he sees?
Tell me please
What I am to do with myself
When everything within has gone to shame
And I am the one to blame
I cannot deal with these
Horrid thoughts inside of my head
But i know they are there, willingly, seething within me
until the life breathes it's last and I am finally dead
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Author notes
I wrote this about a week ago when I really did loathe myself. I have a small problem with my self esteem, and my boyfriend, who i mentioned in the poem, tries to help me with this poem.
he does so much for me, it is so amazing. I sat down one day and just looked at myself and could not believe how he could love someone like me. Since then. I have absolutely despised what I see when I look in the mirror. I am not looking for pity or compliments. I wrote this poem because I needed to sort out my feelings. They were becoming jumbled inside my head.
And i know this poem may not have any structure but it was just me pouring my thoughts out and i think that is what really poetry is. It doesnt have to rhyme or have any certain beat, it cant just be jumbles of thoughts. If you read my poetry you will see that I dont really have a "rhyme scheme", but I think the real beauty is found in the thought and creativity of a poem.
i would like to know what everyone thinks of this poem and my other poems. All comments are appreciated. Criticize all you want because I know I am still a maturing poet. God knows I need all the help I can get
Comments
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it is long as hell:)),
it is really wrong, and it does help ALOT to write your problems out, and i know the exact feeling, my woman acts the same way.,.. seriously i tell her the exact same words too.... like "baby your beautiful" ,... it was a good write,... however it was more so of a short story idk, it jumped in and out of rhyme randomly no structure,.. was still good but at times got kinda redundant..
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