Daddy, Your Words Make Me Sick

(Not my fault
He says)
Daddy
Your words
Make me sick
Can he not see that this
Causes me to hate him?
Can he not see that this
Makes me
Rip myself apart
When he desecrates my heart
Throws it right in front of me
Crushing it with his foot and
Spitting onto the ground in front of me
He tells me I am not worthy
Of this life that is slowly dying
He hits me when I start crying
And then he tells me he loves me
How can he do that?
Does it give him pleasure to see me cry?
Does he smile with glee, after each lie?
(Not my fault
He says)
Daddy
Your words make me sick

He keeps me within this bind
This horrible, aching wire
And I am in dire
Need for freedom
But he says
You are my daughter
You cannot leave this house until you are
Eighteen and legal you are
My world and my sun
And when that’s said and done
I’m beaten and worn by him
(Not my fault
He says)
Daddy
Makes me sick
When he says
You are a bad girl
And you don’t deserve to be loved
You only cause me and mom pain
And she secretly wishes you were dead
These words I believed, filled with dread

How oblivious and arrogant I was
How foolish it was of me to believe his words
His curse upon me left me dry
Withered and screaming a silent cry
A desire to smash the mirror in front of me
Because I despise what I see
He tells me I’m ugly and that will never change
But then he says he loves me. Now isn’t that strange?
I can’t rearrange
What he has done to me
And to Mommy
He acts the perfect angel when she is around
He is the nicest to me when she’s here, I have found
But once she’s out of sight
I cower in fright
Because I know what is coming
Maybe if I
Cover my ears I
Won’t hear
What he has to say this time
(Not my fault
He says)
And he makes me so sick
When his hands grip mine
To uncover my ears
So he can awaken my fears
And tell me how worthless I am
How mommy hates me and wishes I were gone
How ugly I am

Now I’m seventeen, still living in this hell
I shake my head at his insults now
No, Dad
No, I won’t let you lie this time
You have crossed the line
Mommy loves me, even if you don’t
She will tell me the truth, even if you won’t
Be careful what you say, dad
I’ll tell her everything
She will have you out of here
Once she has seen what you have done is clear
She’ll kick you out, you know it’s true
I hate you
For what you’ve put us both through
(Not my fault
I say this time)
You make me sick
And you are not my father
Anymore.