My ex is so desperate
she’s thinking of sleeping
with her best friends son
whose a forty year old schizophrenic
on heavy duty psych meds
and lives with his mother
but the ex
goes on and on to me
making a case
that he’s not that bad
and he’s a grown man
but I keep reminding her
it’ll ruin her friendship
and she’ll lose her best friend
not to mention
the difficulty of
having a stable relatshonship
with a schizophrenic
and I warned her the
whole thing
would be a disaster
but who knows
if our talk
will do her any good
I know how desperate
she is
after all
she used to
go out
with me
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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haha
great ending....i'm always into a good rant about ex's and mental illness, with a hint of self-loathing, just for good measure -
Self-Deprecating Master of Disaster!
This winds up like a serpent choking on its tail, Dave! You´ll have to let us know how the sorry saga pans out, mate.
But both love and sordid lust can rear its risky head at the most inopportune moments and even a schizo can forget himself.
One of your most amusing of late.
Cheers
gG
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hey gyoushoudcomearoundmoreoftenG
man i don't wanna become a serpent choking on its tail, sounds like the ultimate in self love or self hate depends on how you look at it. talk about sordid love/lust rearing its ulgy head. anwyway you should charge us blokes 5 kroners per comment, or no, how ever many Euro's that'd be.
dave
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damn bro...
i have to say i loved the ending, that was awesome and painted a weirdass picture... but very descriptive,... and i agree with wall, on the humble and everything else, but the ending was over all the best
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hey life is ironic
thanks for commenting, just calling spade a spade i guess.
dave
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-sigh- Women..
I think my favorite part of this poem (aside from the almost excessively humble way you present yourself) is how you so accurately depict how fickle and selfish women can be. I'm no sexist or anything of the like, hell, I know men aren't entirely perfect either. But this is pure honesty in its rawest form. I rather enjoy your very "No b.s." kind of style. No real definite meter, no rhyme scheme, no pretty words. Just telling s**t like it is. I like it.
-Wall
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hey noEscapingTheWall
thanks for commenting, i guess when people get desparate they can rationalize anything. glad you noted my stripped down style, too much adornment gets in the way of the story.
dave
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Dave - It's refreshing to read more of your self-denigrating, tongue in cheek, foot in mouth comedies, (No I won't mention HP, but he's there, lurking with face dead-pan.) A little nit: who's instead of "whose." I won't mention punctuation, or dwell on it, but I'm under a new regimen where I'm supposed to know the real uses of semi-colon etc., so it's a kick to see none of it here. Cheers, MJ
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hey mj
great hearing from you. who the hell is HP? I'm dying to know
thanks for the punctuation tip, if i send this out I'll change it.
also since your on it could you please differentiate between semi-colon, colon and dash.
dave
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She deserves better
Hey Ochs. I like it when you put yourself down. It saves me the trouble. Good to see your ex is climbing the ladder. Nobody deserves to be stuck with a poet all their lives. Happy New Year! >W< -
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hey W
can't really disagree with you...like the immortal Mr. T used to say, "I pity the fool" happy new year to you to.
dave
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OUCH!
I can't believe the girl!! And it was reslly sad of the ending.How can she be like that? Is she crazy!!!?
Well, anyways, when i read ur poem, the beginning was confusing to me(i don't read dictionary, lol) but when i wen't through it was like kind of funny and the ending was sad. My favorite was the ending, it really touched me! you could use some editing on your beginning to not make the readers confuse. But it's ok if u don't what to. It's just a suggestion. Anyways, awesome poem! =D
language: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 3, form: 3.
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hey big C
thanks for commenting, no the girl isnt crazy, just desparate and were still really good friends.
dave
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Dave, this is very smirkful
in your signature self-effacing style; it'd just be wrong if it wasn't.
When life shits on you, dave, you just polish the turd and we all bask warmly in it's sparkly brown glow.
I'm pleased everything came out alright in this fine piece of paperwork and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Later, dave.
al
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hey al
glad you found this illuminating. happy 09'
dave
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Sensitive subject(mental health) but i think you have dealt with it well,even doctors dont understand schizophrenia fully(i know this as my brother is a paranoid schizophrenic)so it takes some guts to talk about it,as far as i`m concerned you are right in regards to the difficulties associated with having any type of relationship with someone who suffers with this illness,i know how unpredictably the afflicted can behave.
Very well written and it flows superbly,I like the humor at the end but i`m sure you`re not that bad(although i`ve never met you ha ha)
One error with the spelling of relationship
actually i think you deliberately messed up the spelling of relationship since this is what this poem is about,messed up relationships
well done
rhet -
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hey rhet.
sorry about your bro. sometimes things that i wasnt' going after get caught in my net of sarcasm.
and your right i'm not that bad, but almost.
dave
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