Sprawling down crevices of lost sanctity
Eyes grasping solidified thoughts of curiosity.
Marching heel to heel to your submarine
Holding the heads of the youth submerged in perversions of repulsiveness.
Glide into the sanctum of your inner chapel
Raise the sword of indifference to the sky and say
Never put this body in a coffin!
Persistence disillusions of hallow intentions.
You're the ration of flawlessness that relieves the people of the world. The minorities of oppression. Lies of the corrupted chauvinist that dictate our actions.
Stretch your body into the vastness of possibilities.
Release everything you despise and claim you're stance in the universe.
Do not challenge the true strength of your opinion.
Embrace those whom need to be embraced
Comfort those whom need to be comforted.
Encourage those whom need to be encouraged.
Hold strong the dagger of redemption
Tie the strings around the instability of fate
And let your body fall into the abyss of eternity
Comments
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kitten - I'm not going to go into a long rant about this, BUT - this is filled with abstractions. They sound very poetic, but they are not the building blocks of real poetry. The title is straightforward and so are is the four line sequence that starts with "Embrace those..." but the rest of the lines, I'm sorry, mean nothing - "crevices of lost sanctity" - "perversions of repulsiveness" - "abyss of eternity" ??? If what you are trying to do is lay out some suggestions on how to fight the "corrupted chauvinists" you'll have as many interpretations as you have followers. You can get a lot more subtlety out of "ordinary" words than these high-falutin' abstractions. You're obviously in love with words and I think you're going to find a longer lasting relationship with plainer, maybe less interesting words by themselves, but words that are capable, in combination, of expressing much more complicated and profound insights than the abstract ones. I'm not trying to be hurtful, just the opposite. MJ
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I understand and appreciate your comment. This poem may mean absolutely nothing to alot of people, the words might not make sense, and it may be completely incapable of any substantial poetic "building blocks", but every line makes complete sense to me. I wrote this when my mind was free of limitations. It has meaning to me, and is completely comprehensible to me also. But I do understand your implications. As far as the word choice, that is just how I write. I don't intentionally use these words to try to bring some powerful complexity to my poetry, it's just how I write. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that in this poem, I didn't write for the readers, I wrote for myself.
Thank you for your comment. The feedback is appreciated.
-Kitten -
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kitten - OK, you are writing for yourself. Then why do you go to the trouble of putting it on a website for other people to read? Usually things that we write for ourselves stay in the notebook. Just wondering, MJ
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This website is like my notebook. If you don't like the poem, or the abstraction of the poem, that's understandable, but please don't prolong any senseless animosity. Its unnecessary, you have made your point.
-Kitten
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At long long last kitten,a poem that actually goes further than merely point out how the world and its "Corrupted chauvinists" have betrayed us,you give us an opinion on how you believe we should deal with them/it..thats poetry baby and you are a true poet
Every line in this is outstanding,my favorites being your change from;
Sprawling down crevices of lost sanctity
Eyes grasping solidified thoughts of curiousity
to
Stretch your body into the vastness of possibilities
People are far too willing to simply accept what they have been told as being absolute truth,they are unwilling or afraid to even listen to other opinions or possibilities,this ignorance thats instilled into people by authorities truly makes me sick,the amount of humans that seem incapable of THINKING FOR THEMSELVES is staggering.
The world is full of cowards,especially goddam "poets"
You are not one of those cowards,
brilliant literature in every respect
Couple of queries,i think "you`re" should be "your",
and im not sure if "whom" works,perhaps just "who" might be better
This is what i got from this fine piece,its just my humble opinion
May Jesus bless you,Ha!
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Thank you for the comment. I'm going to go back and do revisions when I have the energy. I agree with you, too many people let their voices slip into conformity, which is where this poem came from. Its telling people to embrace their opinions and utilize that very strength. Thank you so much.
-Kitten
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