It seems as if
I am left here to rot
under the sun that
taunts of my thirst
beats at my back
furiously...
I have nothing to
hold onto
but on the sands
of which I walk
The sands
of my hope
my regrets
and my sorrow
They sting in my eyes
reminding me of their prescence
How I wish to ignore
But they still make themselves known
stinging at my eyes
clouding my vision
of life...
Every now and again
a plant manages to survive
in this devoid desert of mine
which I am cursed unto
I admire its beauty
take in the lush green
as I stand there
stunned
and then it wilts
as the sun grows hot
I am forced to avert my eyes
to continue foward...
So I stagger across
my desert of sorrow
regret
and hope
Dragging myself below the sun
That is slowly killing me...
(I would rather burn in hell)
I search for life
Not so much a possibility
as van Beethoven coming back from the dead
Eventually I see
that in this I find no purpose
So I sit upon my desert of seclusion
let the last of my hope trickle
through my fingers
And as time does slowly pass...
I wait.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wow.
That was actually amazing, and I'd never thought I'd say it. Nice use of metaphors; everything. It all flows so well, and the subject is great.
Three cheers!
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Hey
Um... oh, uh, thanks, I guess.
Never though you'd say it either.
Regards,
- A.C.
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Nice Imagery
I enjoyed the metaphors you throw at the reader here and the weight emotions that ride on the back of these words. At the end its like a stand still that makes the makes the reader stop I think it has a wonderful effect personally so keep up the wonderful writing my favorite stanza was:
"So I stagger across
my desert of sorrow
regret
and hope
Dragging myself below the sun
That is slowly killing me...
(I would rather burn in hell)"
Distant Unknown
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I'm glad.
Yes, the ending wasn't supposed to end abruptly, so that's good. It was supposed to end slowly, in a natural way. I'm glad that the ending was smooth.
As always, thank you so much for your comments.
Regards,
- A.C.
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Exquisitly written
well verse and amazingly done. Desolate to walk through the agonizing and brutal torment of the sun.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thank you
Thanks so much. I was just kinda hoping you'd catch the metaphor. But thanks again anyways!
Regards,
A.C.
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wonderfull
I loved the metaphor, I thought it worked really well. Also your meter was outstanding. [:language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 2, tone: 4, form: 5.
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Thanks :D
Yes, the metaphor wasn't mentioned so the readers could figure out. Glad you realized.
Thanks so much, but what do you mean by "oustanding meter"?
Regards,
- A.C.
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