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Life

 

A long, dusty road,

stretching far beyond the eye can see.

A lonely man walking it,

underneath a flowering tree.

 

In parts the path cracks,

weeds sprouting through.

In others flowers bloom,

coated softly with dew.

 

Footsteps echo next to him,

yet eventually they fade away.

Parting along the cross-roads,

but nothing's known to stay.

 

Grey spectres walk the landscape,

ghosts hovering just outside.

They pass without a glance,

without slowing in their stride.

 

Sunshine's hidden behind clouds,

but that makes the light all the better,

for when the sun does shine its shy face,

it's amazing just to see her.

 

Sometimes a smile graces the face,

of the man gloomily meandering.

Of tenderness, joy or  wonder,

and its like the beauty of spring.

 

Once his face was young,

the wrinkles wiped away.

But as the crawls grew to steps,

they slowly began stay.

 

Life is a race,

that no-one wants to win.

Yet you always have to finish,

preferably with a grin.

 

 

    : Comment:

Comments


  • Siaynoq
    January 10, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Well first of all I should say you are a very precocious eleven year old, and it's encouraging to see that the mass brainwashing of the media and schools etc, has not turned all the younger generation into brain-dead robots.

    This poem is one big metaphor - the road of life. That's good. Kind of reminds me of Jack Kerouac's famous book, 'On the Road.' I like the fact that you managed to keep it at least semi-rhyming throughout, and the form of the poem is pleasing with its inverted hour-glass shape.

    The scene you paint is very vivid and intriguing. I particularly like the mention of 'grey spectres walk[ing] the landscape.' Gives the poem a spooky feel. I would say concerning the last line of stanza five, it would work better as 'it's amazing just to see her,' and in the last line of stanza six there's a typo which could do with correcting. But these are only minor points.

    I see this poem as a kind of exercise for you. It's good that you have started so young, and I can tell that if you stick with it, you are destined to write far greater poems.

    Sam


    • Savage
      January 10, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Oh, the school does brainwash me, but I mainly daydream through class so I escape, . Poems aren't my strongpoint but I really enjoy writing them anyway, I hope that I can actually improve.

      Thanks for reading this and giving me a comment. (I fixed everything up as well)