Tears Are For Pussies

I can't even feel my own tears through the rain
It pores down, but no matter how hard I try
All I can feel is the heat pounding into my head
Anger swarming around the pathetic amount of control I have left
I wipe my eyes and swear at myself
Tearing down the pathetic amount of self-esteem I have left
But no matter how much I try to bring myself down
I just realize how insecure and diminished I actually am
I stare up into the dark blanket of night covering the sky
Wishing I could see the stars through the thick layered fog
Pissed off it's not a clear night

The harder I try to grasp significance through all the Irrelevance, I end up with less hope than I started with
I become even more frustrated at myself for letting myself cry, regretting that I decided to wear mascara tonight,
I probably look like some dried up hag, black streaks of self pity.

Your such a little bitch
Your stronger than that
What the fuck is your problem?
Get over it you piece of shit

I seek out justification for my reactions
But then, infuriated, I realize there is none

Just an ugly heap of worthlessness
Feeling sorry for myself
Trying to comfort myself with falsity
How pathetic.

Then realization turns into suppression
Trying to hold in anguish
Trying to suppress reality

You fucking idiot.