Memory Bank

"Hi. How was your day?"
I draw from my memory bank,
of jokes we've laughed about before,
simple little
crude things
I make a joke
She laughs, happy that we are back
in our usual rhythm
after I ran away
But something is missing
Something I've
Created
A, to use cliches,
wall.
"Hey, remember when...?"
I scream with laughter,
ostentatiously
Everyone on the outside
Looks over
"Such good friends.
We wish we had that."
The wall goes away
after a while
But the awful feeling
I had comes back
every now and then
My eyes water.
My memory bank
swells
asking, telling,
quietly remprimanding.
You left.
Then, the others who
you left them for
turned on you.
What's to say,
she won't leave you,
what's to say,
your friendship will
last for as long as you hope.
Terribly guilty,
"Shut up."
I whisper to it.
I must never leave again.