She comes to school
Laughs a little
Never cries
Except when she laughs
Which is glorious
When she laughs
She cries like
the world is ending
like her mother died
like she's been diagnozed
with some mind-numbing
cancer filled
long worded disease.
And her eyes light up,
and I cry too.
We were never really friends
But I like her
She's very interesting
With nimble hands
which she used to sketch me once
It was beautiful.
And brown eyes, aglow,
when she scans the pages
of her new book.
"It's alright."
She shrugs.
I usually don't like
it, when I reveal myself
when I cry.
But she has something
About her
I think will
make an excellent mother
one day.
I relive experiences
that have made me cry,
with her.
"I believe in God."
I sob one day
Part of a story
that is too long to tell her.
She pats me on the back
like on old friend.
"I don't."
Comments
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wow..i love this..i love how she says"I don't."
It makes an amazing scene..or well image..Great job! -
OH KS!!!! It describes her perfectly!!!! I love it!!!
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Thanks Colin!!!
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I love it. This is very good, KS. Good work. I love the descriptive imagery, the characterization, and the language. The ending especially. Just two suggestions and minor ones
"I usually don't like
it, when I reveal myself
when I cry."
Its your choice, but I think you might want to keep the it on the same line, since the beats seem a little weird. It's very good though. And also, nimble hands is just a tad bit cliched.
Other then that, this is wonderful, wonderful.
-Colin
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