"What're you drawing?"
She slipped over the stark chair to him.
Heavy, dark circles hung under his
somber, hate filled brown eyes.
Quietly hiding the drawing,
he staggered up.
Walking onto the balcony,
a rising sun
alerted him to why he
was having such sleepless nights.
All of Rome lay before him,
A great city of stark white
beautiful stone.
This practice has been done
eons before him
by other emperors.
However, they'd outlawed
it now.
But there was only one end to the story,
one that would last in history forever.
Children would scream at it,
"Disgusting!" they'd cry.
Adults would shudder.
"He did what?"
But, as he said,
there was only one end to the story.
He turned on his heels
and enveloped her
in his embrace.
"Sister."
He touched his fingers
to her lips
and grinned.
Upset at the horror
on her face
he quietly evaluated
what it would take
to get her to love him.
Comments
-
That.........was.............great....
Loved the ending....
Just a suggestion:
in line 2 it says "stark chair" and in line 12 it uses "stark white."
I don't know if this was intentional... but you could use a different adjective in line 12 unless you like the repitition.
I was thinking about it and it still sounds good with it. Just thought I would bring it to your attention..
-Krista
-
did you know abortion was culturally acceptable until the rise of christianity? of course, it was more elaborate than a simple procedure like today, most of it involved physical activity too taxing for a developing blastocyst to endure.
Purebred dogs are often prone to genetic problems due to the generations of inbreeding they are put through by breeders. Ironically this makes them useless for the tasks their breed is designated for.
thus is the face of forgotten monarchy.
is it real love? can you MAKE someone love you?
is it worth it?
why, to me it seems so... backwards...
kudos
-
umm whoa!!
im pretty shocked by the abrupt turn of events in this story!
it's still overall amazing but i was shocked for a second like wait what?!?!
i still like it alot though.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 3, form: 5.
-
O.o
Dude, what?! Is it like really his sister, cause that's like...gosh. Anywho, at first I was really into it, but then you seemed to wander from your strong start. I think that it is a bit confusing from the middle on. Other than that, I think you have a nice style and it fits this type of writing. Maybe go back and straighten the meaning out, to make the point more clear. Unless I'm just being stupid and missed the whole freakin' point of the poem...which I do time and again.
good luck,
Ashley
Adding your comment:
