the moon fell in love with the Earth because she was so beautiful every night he shone and sang his moonsong circling like a shy predator afraid to draw near but it was no good The Earth appeared never to hear one night an old grey wolf stepped out on a ridge listening to the moon the wolf was a poet and sang the moon's song to the world but she just sighed said it wasn't meant to be and kept turning the moon was left yearning and the wolf went back to his poetry . |
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Hi Windhover. I loved this poem. It reminded me of old folk tales and legends and had a nice atmospheric feel about it. Some people tend to think they have to use fancy words, that more often than not, turn the reader off the poem rather than make it more interesting...This was simplicity at it's best
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I liked it
My only criticim would be about the transition i.e. 'one night' it kind of hokey and is a very sudden transision.
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what i liked about this poem was its simple and beautiful no
fancy words big metaphors i felt like i was in the poem listening to the wolf sing -
A Howl for more
Like you illumination of love and its metaphor. Yet fleeing as waves crest a distant shore. Thank you.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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hey john
simple yet powerful, sort a of mood piece, old as the world itself and pure, something the reader might linger on long after they've read it.
dave -
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Losing it
Hey Ochs, can't believe I missed this comment or how nice it is. You losin' it or something? Whatever, thanks a lot! >W<
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Hey John - This immediately put me in mind of american Indian folk tales, but with the added twist of the wolf-poet. The internal rhyming works well. One nit is with "never" in "the earth appeared never / to hear." Maybe "not" or "appeared unwilling / to listen." The rest of it moves right along. Cheers, MJ
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Bumps
Hey Richard, sorry I neglected to reply to this very nice comment. I'll give that suggestion some thought, I do agree it 'bumps' a little. Thanks again. >W<
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I like everything about this except for "Old Girl"... It just didn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem. It was like the voice was different or something.
This one makes me wish I'd written it.
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Thanks
Hello, Elusive One. Since you're the second person to point that out I reckon it needs changing. Thank you. >W<
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