Later that night
we watched the parade.
My father and I,
As we let the light fade.
We didn't speak
about what'd happened before,
But by the next morning
the glass was gone from the floor.
He took me in the next morning
though it wasn't his day,
I sat in the car
There was nothing to say.
Author notes
Does anyone have any title suggestions?
-S
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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you say a lot here in so few words,you have an innocence in your writing that makes it sound unforced which is one of the hardest things to do when you write although i`m not sure if you are aware of it.....i hate it when people argue and fight.I would suggest you edited your punctuation as there are a few mistakes,see if you can find them
a title...."we let the light fade" or "fading light"
up to you of course
well done Saturday Mar
bye
rhet
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Thanks that means a lot.
-S
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Unspoken Incident
I think this short story is well told. I like the casual rhyme of it. I think it has a smooth flow that makes it easy to read. With poems like this that have such uneven lines I like to center them for a more uniform appearance. Some people don't care for it much but I thought I would suggest if for you to consider. After all, you certainly can't please everyone but sometimes you can please yourself.
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Thank you!
-S
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You probably thought about this already, and it's really bad, but...Silence??
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It's interesting. I like it though. I'm not that good at thinking of titles... what ever you think that fits the message of the poem. 1 question: what exactly "inspired" you to write this poem?
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Well I was watching the Inaguration parade on TV with my dad and it was really dark outside but no one had bothered turning the lights on. And then for some random reason I started thinking about what would happen if my mom left. Why?
-S
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