John Holmes was a guy
who finished at the top
of the genetic pool
and was endowed
with one of the longest
schlongs in the
recorded history of man
so instead of having
to change oil all day
at Jiffy lube
or do some kind
of manual labor
all John had to do
was stick his thing
in some beautiful porn star
and never had
to get his hands dirty
but poor old John
wound up with
a nasty drug habit
and in trouble
with the law
and got kicked out
of the porn industry
he moved to Florida
and lived in relative obscurity
until he died of aids
so I guess
you could say
he lived by the sword
and he died
by the sword
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Don't wish too hard....
Hey Professor, don't know how I missed this one but then I've been out of circulation for a while. This is a truly Ochsian tale and its wit is nicely spiced by its brevity. Neat punchline. And don't wish too hard indeed. Good One. >W< -
hey himanshu
great hearing from you. hope you get to see Wonderland also the movie Boogie Nights is loosly based on John Holmes.
dave -
Jesus... this is a real story!! Only you could have given this poem this tone! Wonderful read... and the comments... especially marcusmoore's really gave an insight into watching porn! The lives those people lead! Maybe I will watch Wonderland too!
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I enjoyed it
I thought it was humorous, yet conveyed the story well. The rhythm could use little work.
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thanks Ryan, Dave
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I liked this poem's narrative. Is this free verse?
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hey lady J
thanks for commenting and yes this is free verse.
Dave
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It flowed but I must say I was bored and unmoved by his fate ! I didnt care enough..
language: 1, rhythm: 5, subject: 1, tone: 5, form: 5.
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hey karuna
hhmm...hope you didn't think the poem was boring. could be, maybe it was aimed at the people fimiliar with him, also it was a humor poem and not designed to garner sympathy, but thanks for your points.
dave
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excellent
the sign of a true poetlanguage: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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thanks birdie stringfellow, dave
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ive never heard a penis being called a schlong..i reckon i have a schlaverage then..i guess his weapon of mass copulation self destructed
like almost all of your poems its tone was good,it flowed effortlessly and the topic was pretty original
rhet -
oh so true...
The story of Johnny Holmes is definitely an interesting one for anybody to read, especially if you're into the whole drama of hollywood and how damaging it can be when a vulnerable person has too much money, drugs, and power around him to be manipulated. Yes you could easily call that big ol' schlong a sword, that is if it ever got completely hard. I watched an E True Hollywood story and one of the porn stars that had had sex with john and been with him in a couple of pornos had said that he could never actually get completely hard b/c it was just too big and that all the blood it would take would make him really tired and he'd either pass out or go limp if he ever got really excited to where he might get close to an actual full on hard-on. I enjoyed the piece thoroughly and liked the metaphor, LoL, kind of makes him a warrior or Knight of our days wielding his sword to punish the naughty and misbehaved...LOL Again lovely write, thanks for sharing and hope to hear from ya again sometime soon.
language: 3, rhythm: 3, subject: 5, tone: 3, form: 3.
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hey marcus
good to hear from you. there was a movie called Wonderland that was about Holmes also. funny thing is what guy wouldn't want to be him. but i guess the old adage is true, be careful what you wish for. thanks for the comment.
dave
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Cool
Dirt John!!! This story is kinda funny. I like it! But one question: what's porn?
lol...jk
KEEP WRITING!!!
language: 4, rhythm: 3, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 2.
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hey bigcoolyo
thanks for commenting, i guess it is a funny story in a tragic way.
dave
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