I see you again:
Sledding
on coats
on ice
that’s too thin.
I see you.
We’re asked
to leave;
and I walk right by you.
You see me.
I see you.
Waiting
for my mom
with my friend
as protection.
You’re outside
with your friends,
ten feet from me.
“What happened?”
my friend asks;
You see me.
“I don’t know.”
I’m waiting,
You turn around,
look right at me.
It’s time to go now;
You shake her hand,
and everything
I’ve said
about you
is a lie.
Seeing you
Seeing me
I know.
Author notes
I'm not sure I like the
"Seeing you
Seeing me
I know."
at the end. Any thought?
-S
Comments
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day after ice day?
was this about the day after ice day? {aka today?}
it's really good by the way. Slightly confusing, but then again, that might be the point... nice!
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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Si... until I was kicked off the Cathedral grounds...
-S
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I like it...First, on the fourth line, did you mean coats OF ice? Also, I didn't really get the last part about
You shake her hand,
and everything
I’ve said
about you
is a lie.
It's good though..I like that part:
with my friend
as protection.
-
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I guess the fourth line is kinda confusing, but it's the idea of sledding on ice using your coat as a sled (which by the way dosen't work too well...)
The part about
"You shake her hand,
and everything
I’ve said
about you
is a lie."
was kindof more an expierence Ihad that was hard to figure out, but it was kindof one of those moments when you have to admit you're wrong about someone, you know?
Thanks for the comment
-S
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