Share Poetry Critiques Poetry       Forums       Freewrite       Store      

Lie for Me

When I’m too tired
To make these lies,
Be my breath
Be my brain.
Utter them for me
Lie to them, lie to you, lie to me
Because I’m too tired to go on doing it.
Take over
Be what you made me,
Take a turn behind the switchboard
Pushing heavy buttons
Hands shaking with sweat and fever
So tired.
So tired.
Give me a chance
To rest outside the lies
Before I go back
Take up the controls and
Sit in the seat you built for me
Watching things spin outside and
Putting my brain again to
Making the lies I know so well.

    : Comment:

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • gnosisonG silver member
    February 8, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    Entering The Bullshitosphere!

    A timeless subject adroitly depicted here, Mr Night! A sombre plea for sanity in a world of lies. I enjoyed the analogy with a machine like control centre - this illustrates perfectly the sense of detachment and self-alienation folks living a lie can feel.
    And yet there is also a universal aspect in your poem - lies are a ubiquitous part of human make-up, for who hasn t fibbed a teeny bit - added to their personal resumé as it were.
    Excellent point you ve made here, Colin!

    Regards

    gG


    • Colin Night
      February 8, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the read and the comment. I'm glad you liked it!
      Cheers,
      -Colin

  • Himmelkratzer
    February 2, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    It's nicely done. I like:
    "Be what you made me,
    Take a turn behind the switchboard
    Pushing heavy buttons
    Hands shaking with sweat and fever
    So tired.
    So tired."
    I just think that part's well written.
    I was going to suggest changing:
    "Take up the controls and
    Sit in the seat you built for me
    Watching things spin outside and
    Putting my brain again to
    Making the lies I know so well."
    TO
    "Take up the controls
    and Sit in the seat you built for me
    Watching things spin outside
    and Putting my brain again
    to Making the lies I know so well."
    But after I re-read it a couple of times, I think it's interesting the way it is and sortof feels like you're running out of breath or something and tired.
    Good job!


  • Young Hawk
    February 2, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    This is really well written...I'm not sure what to say. I especially liked the ending,
    Sit in the seat you built for me
    Watching things spin outside and
    Putting my brain again to
    Making the lies I know so well.

1 - 6 of 6