I come both tourist and penitent today
to this weed-choked and overgrown
parade ground of the damned;
cracked, upthrust by winters, crumbling,
a useless place of refuse and debris,
a metaphor of its time.
Barbed wire all in rusting heaps, unconfining,
our barracks since salvaged and removed,
to house those we dispossesed.
How good it looks now thus disused,
abandoned and forlorn.
I heard here then one last command:
- Bataillon! Stillgestanden! –
and a thousand jackbooted heels
- all automatons –
crashed as one.
Some words were spoken, and the hellish oath -
that had become a curse unspeakable,
and bound us to his evil fully incarnate –
was revoked.
But still my sense of guilt remained, unpurged.
- Augen gerade aus! - And I see now
that I am surrounded by a ghost battalion
of my peers, each accusing all -
that we did not stand upon our beliefs,
but yielded complicit to monstrosity.
Here I did awake into life from captivity,
but so broken and confused,
wrenched bewildered as from a coma,
distrustful of my motivations,
seeking penance and reconciliation.
And on being released asked
the living silence there
if Pastor Niemoller still lived,
then turned out the gate
and crying 'sola fide'
walked the long road home.
Author notes
Re-titled Feb 13 [Former title: Standing Lutheran in a Bavarian Field]
Sola Fide: Lutheran motto: "Faith Alone"
Comments
-
I am in such a strange mood today. I feel like I HAVE to leave a technical critique, unsolicited. That's a strange way for me to be thinking. Perhaps it's because I've been so negligent for so long. Bear with me, friend!
I think perhaps remove the comma at the end of the eighth line? It seemed like an unnecessary pause. I don't know anything about grammar, however, so it could very well be correct. Wonderful rhythm at the end of the first stanza. Wow! Left me speechless.
"spoken" in the sixth of the second stanza (instead of spoke)?
Fourth stanza start "Here I woke?" Feels unnecessarily archaic with "did" currently, breaks the cogency of it for me. I don't have a particularly strong argument for this, so I hesitate to mention it.
I've never yet written an elegy. I can't get this sort of tone, it seems. Reading this through the first time was nearly cathartic. I do remember being moved nearly to tears. The harsh contrast of the orders being barked (those are going to fall heavy on any ears, regardless of the language--I can find beauty and music in all spoken words except those given as orders in war) and the tender reminiscences lend so much depth to it. Mr. Gagiikwe, it is a great success. I am very moved by it.
Best,
Nienna -
Wow, Mr. Gagiikwe. This is powerful.
I don't have too much time now to delve into this, because I should be reading Heart of Darkness for school--and then GOING to school, I suppose--but I hope to come back to this. I'm very captivated by it, and I think I'll let it sit about my cranium for a day or two and come visit it again.
Hope all is well.
Nenni
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