I'd rather hold your hands
than still live in a meaningless life.
Right now, the evening-sky sparkles
like your eyes, full of life.
And this heart of mine,
thhuds and thuds.
Never have I counted the beats,
for they are for-ever beating.
I never knew your name or
have talk to you.
but this feeling of mine
will be sent.
Not by mails, or e-mails, or
phone.
That sky right there, will
send it, with its glorious lights,
knowing you that I'm waiting.
But now, i have to say
goodbye.
For the sky is dissapearing,
never you dare think that
I won't wait.
Author notes
I NEED YOUR HELP PEOPL!!!!
I'm writing this poem fo a poetry contest!!! The rule said that the poem have to be at least 20lines.....i think.
Anyways, what do you think about the poem????
PLS. HELP ME!!!!!
I WANNA WIN THE CONTEST!!!!XO
Do you think i need some work and editing on it?
Comments
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I need to think on this
I need to think on this poem before I can really comment on it since you are submitting it for a contest entry. And I'm not really qualified to give great insight on corrections here, but I do have some advice: use spell-check. You have several mispelled words. Too many h's in thhuds in the 3rd stanza. Forever is one word in the 4th stanza. In the 5th stanza, I think it would sound better to write, "I never knew your name or have I talked to you." The 8th stanza sounds alittle awkward. In the 10th stanza, disappearing is spelled as shown here. I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck. Go get them and win this one! I hope you take these suggestions as such and not personally. You asked for help because you wanted to win the contest and I sincerely hope you do! A fellow writer -- Birdie Stringfellow
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