God lived in the dark ages
with his head in the clouds
He had archaic principles
and was sexually frustrated
so when His only son
came out of the closet
Gods punishment for Him
was thirty three years
living on planet Earth
Jesus was a gay alcohlic crab catcher
He had beautiful women kissing His feet
but he much preferred the company of men
John the Baptist was His favorite
and Jesus stalked him every day
except on Fridays when the boys got together
to eat pizza,drink wine and smoke weed
Judas was jealous of John and Jesus
so he told the cops
about their little secret
Jesus was also a master illusionist
and his greatest ever trick
was to convince people
that His father was a loving,
forgiving,caring, gentle man
who lived in an amazing house in the sky
where you go to when you die,
unless you deceive,
cheat,lie,stalk
catch crabs,
take drugs,get drunk
or indulge in same sex relationships,
When God found out that people
started to worship Him
fear Him, pray to Him
and call out His name during an orgasm
He brought Jesus back and all was forgiven
They must be bored now though,
after two thousand odd years
so it won`t be long
before Jesus comes back
like He said He would
to play with us again
Maybe He`s already here
Have you found Jesus yet?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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i'm not saying its not funny its just its gonna make ppl mad
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dont worry about them,
most peoples poems on here will drive YOU mad
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really i don't believe in jesus all tht much BUT i think ppl of the christians type is gonna take this offensive and i don't think you should say things like tht when you know its gonna hurt someon
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hey Cassandra,welcome..it amuses me just how many people read this poem because of its title,if you were a christian who is easily offended then why the heck would you even read something with a ridiculous title like this,it can be only one way,to say something negative,now if christianity has taught me anything its not to simply come to conclusions before you weigh up the options,the point of leaving a comment is to critique the poem in matters of form,rhythm,structure,language and tone,you should also conside checking the category thats its written under and this poem is categorized under Adult Humor,my intention was not to hurt anyone,surely catholocism has already done that
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hey rhet.
i think this is really degrading and insulting to Christins and peoples of all faith. i mean to call jesus a crab catcher goes beyond the pale.
dave -
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hey dave,thanks for commenting..
yea i think you`re right there,
maybe it was salmon he caught
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hahahaha. i dont know what more needs to be said. i think you need to give a lecture. the scholars on the issue would be interested in hearing your account. bible history is a highly debated topic, but you obviously hold some serious expertise.
p.s. jesus wants me!
p.p.s. jesus is jealous of me
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wow.
this is probably the greatest thing i have ever read!
deffinately just made my day...
<3
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hey Sincerely Tori,
thank you for commenting on this sweet innocent poem,
its lovely isn`t it?
bye
rhet
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oh my JESUS
hahahahah this is fucking hilarious. I wish I had written this.
You are God.
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hey swagger,
thanks for calling me God...hold on a second.....Jesus Christ what are you doing?...
....sorry about that swagger, I was just checking up on Jesus,
he was praying to Santa Claus for forgiveness
bye
God
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HAAH!!!!
I loved it!!
I have always wondered about JEsus's sexual preference.
You took the words from my mouth.
Fucking brilliant.
Twila**
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I am a confused religious person...
as it were. -
hi Until...It...Sleeps, thank you for commenting on this poem,
i take it you`re not a christian then?
i need to know because im a priest
bye
rhet
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Your my fucking hero.
rhythm: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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