Remember me?
It was october
or seven years
when I met you
October;
when it counted
Remember me?
You worried
if I had
a boyfriend
and I
got your number
Remember me?
From November,
all those pictures
my friends laughed at
Remember me?
I know
you see me,
They still talk
you know
Remeber me?
For a minute there
it seemed like
you liked me
Remember me?
A minute
that passed
Author notes
This one's whiney/blah/stupid
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Seems more like a song then a poem. Ever thought about writing songs? It seems like you'd be really good at it. Excellent though. It's not whiney/blah/stupid.
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Whiny? Stupid? Come on! I really like it. I like the ending:
For a minute there
it seemed like
you liked me
Remember me?
A minute
that passed
good ending
Good job!
xx
H -
Mar,
It's not whiney, stupid, or blah.I like it. I can guess at the motivation behind this one too. You're way better then he is.
I really liked this poem. I liked the first bit, with the "October or seven years" I just loved that line for some reason. I liked the repetition of remember me throughout the poem as well as the slightly sad ending. All in all, a great poem. Good job.
Hang in there,
-C -
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awwww thanks
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This is a good show of your thoughts. Just your thoughts, so the reader can interpret the details. My favorite line is
all those pictures
my friends laughed at
I like this one...
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