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Shinkai no Kodoku













please don't cry





I no that u won't
c me dance like that again.

But i'll still twirl
and twirl an twirl 4 u.

We might not b 2gether
but we will always feel each other.

I no that i am dead
so stop figthing bcuz of ur anger.

I don't want 2 c any
war, not again


ever.

I no u saw me
suffer.

But i'm sorry
i was blind.

I promise i'll
do it right.

But please,
just now,
hold my hands tighter
with ur warmth.

So gentle, so
sweet.





please don't cry



But i'll still twirl
& twirl n twirl 4 u.

Da times we spend 2gether
seems just like a minute,
huh?

Even though it was just a minute,
i njoyed it and still treasure it.




So please don't cry.


I'll remember u.

Stop fighting bcuz of
ur anger.

I don't want 2 c any
war, not again


ever.

So wipe dose sour tears
from ur dazzling Is.

I'll be ok, i promise.

You better be safe too.

Keep ur promise.

I still have dose feelings
that u tied me n,
like da ribbon u tied
on my leg when we 1st. met

No matter
no matter wat happens,
i'm sure we'll b 2gether.

So wipe dose missing-tears

Ur hands, so warm right now.
I can't believe that u still
love me though.

I'm very happy.



I'm sorry.



And








Thank u.



I deliever this message
from da bottom of my
heart, I hope u'll
understand Shin.


-Stellar

Author notes

I listened to a song called Shinkai no Kodoku. I know it's in japanese. But sometimes it's better to listen to a MUSICAL song or a song in that has a or some language that u don't understand. Cuz u get this images and words, so it's AWESOME!!!! lolz...XD
This poem, i'm not REALLY sue if it's that GREAT or GOOD. I admit it is long. VERY long. Sorry for taking ur time.

Here's the link to the song. I recommend u to watch it though. Hoe u like it! =D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bc_ib0bi7Jo&feature=related

Is it long.....?????-________________-

    : Comment:

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Papyrus
    February 20, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Coolyo,

    the image of the girl spinning was nice. so was the scene of the guy tying the ribbon around your leg. there needs to be more images like these the reader can picture. "from the bottom of my heart" tells us nothing and is cliche. also, writing in texting language is distracting. you have the space to spell things out here.
    drawing your inspiration from a YouTube video is original. maybe it'll happen more often and is a hint of things to come.

    always,

    Pap


  • Birdie Stringfellow
    February 20, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    This is a wonderful poem just the way it is. Not too long in my opinion. I wouldn't change a thing. You've hit home with me on this one, bigcoolyo! I love it! Good job.
    Birdie

    language: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 5.


  • Twila-
    February 20, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    hmmm

    You had a good idea... but let me tell yoou something.
    It is one of my biggest pet peeves to talk to people and read poetry that has stereotype english in it. What I mean by that is the fact that you use c for see, i for eye, ur for your, u for you, b for be, 2 for to, and 4 for for, etc etc. It drives me nuts, and it makes me SO MAD. Now dont take this personally, I dont mean for you to change it or anything. I just could not enjoy the meaning of this poem because I was so distracted by "spelling errors," or the "text message language" and I know I am probably not the only one that this bothers. I know that, when reading this, some people probably thought that you are a lot less smart than you really are. If you would really like to impress people, then you should start talking and writing in proper English and Grammer.

    Nice idea. I liked the story line. and no, it wasnt too long. I write long poetry myself and enjoy reading it as well.

    PLEASE!! NO TEXT MESSAGE LANGUAGE!!

    Twila**


    • HelloMyNameIsJesus
      February 20, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      haha i just saw this comment. right on twi.


    • swagger
      February 20, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      I'm with twila. I actually couldn't even read this because the improper language was killing me a little inside. So, I have no opinion on the poem.

      Remember kids, text message speak makes baby jesus cry.


  • Gagiikwe
    February 20, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    The length of the form is not a problem. But the use of cell phone text language is not very impressive, and adds nothing to the poem.

    rhythm: 1, subject: 1, tone: 2, form: 1.


  • Lake Absence
    February 19, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    Hee hee

    Shinkai no Kodoku. You got it from my page, didn't you? Yay. ^_^ I love that song; it's so painfully beautiful. Like you would say, "it cuts me in the heart."

1 - 7 of 7