My soul tied to yours,
You laugh, I laugh,
I cry, You cry,
Your in pain, I’m in pain.
Our fates are sealed together.
We will live together,
Die together,
And forever be together.
Our lips touch,
Thoughts flood our minds,
Our feelings so strong they have to be real.
We have what we have looked for in each other.
The obstacles that block us are such a bother.
We break through our feelings are transformed to love from hate.
Now all that’s left is to live to the fullest and live our wonderous fate.
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Give me ur worse criticism
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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the only critisisim i have is that "the obstacles that block us are such a bother"
'bother' is such a weak choice of word especially when surrounded by such power and passion.
consider changeing
apart from that its very toutching and sweet. what a lucky girl she is. haha.
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amazing(:
Your very talented.
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Awh..
This is a very good poem. I love the form and choice of words. But most of all I love the emotion in this poem. it has a great deal of dept in it. Wonderful job and keep writting your great at it!
~ Chelsey
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really like this one. The structure, form and rhyme fit really well together to form a unity.
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 5.
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That was a beautiful piece. the imagery was great. I liked it a lot.
language: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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You're a lover not a fighter aren't you!!I liked it, it's pretty good!
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It's very cute :]
but I think in weeks, months, and such to come you will want to go back and read it and then really perfect it. A lot of poems just needs time to make them as good as they can be. But it really is pretty good right now :]
-Kelsey
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hey sorry I meant to give you some applause
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hey man I find it quite hard to get on board with your poetry, not because it's poorly written but because the style is so alien to me.
This is the one on here I could get the most out of though, it seems to be espouse such an amount of hope that you will almost certainly be destined for failure. But no one can ever blame you for being optimistic, especially when you have broken a barrier such as transforming hate to love.
best of luck -
I don't know how the rhyme scheme is in this one,but I like it.Maybe cause it's sweet,well written and talks about your deepest feelings.
is described in such a sweet way.
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hmmm. little forced for my taste. nothing jumped out at me while i read it. you're repetition seems a little misplaced. especially 'together' i don't know man. not my thing, but youre getting better
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Romantic. Nice job.
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Very sweet. I think it's great how it is! You wrote from your hert and your heart makes no errors when feelings are involved! Thanks for sharing
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This poem was soo good. Your words are very heartfelt and it is expressed really well. I enjoyed it and I especially liked the first few lines, so direct yet so powerful.
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the first 8 lines are fine,thats where i would end the poem,it drags after that as the lines become longer and you repeat what has already been expressed
i especially like the first three lines;
"my soul tied to yours,
you laugh, i laugh,
you cry, i cry"
see you later
rhet
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I like this alot.
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