Share Poetry Critiques Poetry       Forums       Freewrite       Store      

There's nothing more beautiful then peppermint candy in the snow

There's nothing more beautiful then peppermint candy in the snow,

 piercingly frolicking as it waltzes to and fro

 

Speckled extentions ,lifeless appearence,

 only a first impression.. the tree's alive deceitful semblance

 

As snowmen sleep, buttons dripping down their shapely triad of orbs

stillly boiling uncontent, the omelet ascended above still absorbs

 

Glistening blades sit yonder begging for fruition,

indifference patiently awaits the actualization of decision

 

Bristles confine on the brink of realization,

unecessary is the rope to feel elation

 

 Sleep you say, I push you away, far away.

I will comply if nails in the coffin do not apply

 

 Rubies abound for society, ambivalent about the key to my sweet hypocrisy

 Diamonds at once rebirth found, for limp limbs shall no longer be found

 

Sucked the being from once a red jewel, sweet sweet crow, I am no fool

There's nothing more beautiful then Peppermint candy in the snow

    : Comment:

Comments

  • dave ochs gold member
    February 27, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    hey blue

    rhyming isn't my thing altough you do it well and i agree with Ryan you have demonstrate a good grasp of language and vocabulary.


    as for formatting, i don't think you have to repeat the title as the first line of the poem often the title is first line and if the reader doesn't know that should and they could figure it out. i also didn't like the extra large font and even larger last line, its a little in your face. sorry for the nitpicks
    dave


  • leigh heart
    February 25, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    hmmm...

    i like reading your work...because you never fail to surprise me with your choice of words and your courage to write something that may bog the minds of a whole lot of people...i was quite astounded myself when i read this piece because i had to really think to piece together the thoughts that you have poured here.

    i hate to sound like an editor though because it seems like i always do that with your poems...but, i hope you don't mind again if i make some minor corrections and suggestions to make your poem better...so, here they are: (like before, i placed asterisks on the lines where i placed my corrections/suggestions)

    There's nothing more beautiful then peppermint candy in the snow,

    *piercingly frolicking as it waltzes to and fro.



    *Speckled extensions ,lifeless appearance,

    *only a first impression...the tree's alive of deceitful semblance.



    As snowmen sleep, buttons dripping down their shapely triad of orbs

    *boiling still discontent, the omelet ascended above still absorbs.



    Glistening blades sit yonder begging for fruition,

    *indifference patiently awaits the actualization of decision.



    Bristles confine on the brink of realization,

    *unnecessary is the rope to feel elation.



    * Sleep, you say. I push you away, far away.

    *I will only comply if nails in the coffin do not apply.



    Rubies abound for society, ambivalent about the key to my sweet hypocrisy.

    * Diamonds at once rebirth discovered, for limp limbs shall no longer be found.



    Sucked the being from once a red jewel, sweet sweet crow, I am no fool.

    There's nothing more beautiful then Peppermint candy in the snow.

    i hope you like the minor thingies i did.

    leigh


  • HelloMyNameIsJesus
    February 24, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    haha great job. wow. youre very good at imagery and description. great vocabulary. look forward to hearing more from you