My car was being repaired, therefore
I rode my bike to the gym
to meet Big Dave.
But I was sick, therefore
I stood around while Big Dave worked out.
After he got done
I didn’t feel like riding my bike home, therefore
we put it in the back of his El-Camino.
It was still a little early, therefore
instead of going home we went to the club.
Nothing much was happening at the club, therefore
I asked Big Dave, again, to take me home.
Unfortunately, Big Dave locked his keys in his car, therefore
Now I couldn’t get a ride home.
Big Dave was so accommodating giving me rides, therefore
I felt obligated to hang around while he
futilely tried to open the door with a hanger.
Mario came over to help
but only gave stupid suggestions, therefore
Big Dave ran him off.
I saw Marcy, a woman whom I’d had relations with
and had just gotten out of jail, therefore
I called her over.
Marcy hugged me and kept grinding
her pelvis into mine, therefore
I became quite aroused.
My bike wouldn’t fit in Marcy’s car, therefore
I left it in the back of Big Dave’s El-Camino.
I told Marcy we were going to a motel
but she only had a few hours, therefore
I decided to take her to my house.
I also have a girlfriend therefore
I was paranoid.
Marcy didn’t have a lot of time, therefore
we got right down to business.
We both needed it, therefore
it was good.
When we were through I was scared
my girlfriend would come over
and go into a screaming rage
that might involve the police, therefore
I wanted to get the hell out of there.
Marcy felt like she deserved something
for the affection she lavished on me, therefore
she asked me to take her to Carrow’s
for baby-back ribs.
I had to work the next day and I was tired, therefore
I said, oh crap to myself.
After about fifteen minutes, Marcy looked at her watch
And realized she didn’t have enough time to eat, therefore
she’d have to get the ribs to take out, therefore
I didn’t have to go with her.
I walked Marcy to her car
and handed her twenty bucks for ribs, therefore
I’d paid for sex.
The next day I woke up running late
with no bicycle, therefore
I walked two miles to work.
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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Like it
Oh yes! Good fun (hell I wouldn't mind an evening like that, even if it could have headed into an "After Hours" direction). Yes I bet it does go down well at readings. Must have been fun to write as well, which rubs off on the reader.
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BAHAHA
Ha, this was a very entertaining read.
This would definitely be more funny read aloud.
But of course, this poem wouldn't have been nearly as funny if it wasn't for the "therefore" repetition. It was a good laugh.
Nice write.
-Kitten
rhythm: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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hey skyview
thanks for commenting, i'm glad you confirmed the use of therefore.
dave
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Basically, like every one else, I loved this. Its a cute little story. The repition of "therefore" is genius. (:
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hey carefully destructive
thanks so much for your kind words
dave
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The sardonic tone inflected by the "therefore" was just right and I enjoyed this once more unique view into "a day in the life" of someone else. From the humorous obligatory hanging around with Big Dave, to the ultimate realization of cash-for-coitus, this was a wry grin giver.
al
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VERDICT
Dave,
that sux.
-Pap
p.s. - the repetition of "therefore" gives a nagging tone to the poem. i like it.
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hey pap
that poem seems to be a big crowd pleaser at readings, therefore it may not be as good on the page.
dave -
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oops
Dave,
no! i meant the situation, not the poem, sucks!
i could really hear you emphasizing "therefore" as if annoyed by each instance you read. and i can't help but feel both sorry for and disgusted by you. i can imagine why people enjoy it.
always,
Pap
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This was a good poem. The story unfolded so simplistically and beautifully. I especially liked the ending.
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Ha ha...that's a nice story, dave. I enjoyed reading it. so you walked two miles to work? I laughed my heart out.
therefore I loved this poem.
Take cares, dave
Love and regards
Kiddy -
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hey kiddy
thanks so much for your comments.
dave
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i like it, nice story!
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thanks maemoce, dave
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I really loved the poem it was well done and i thought the therefore was almost a necessity to the whole poem without it it kinda woulda been confusing but all in all i felt it was very imaginative!
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hey bon
therefore i thank you for commenting.
dave
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Therefore?
Hey Professor, very amusing, liked the way it all 'dwindled' down to paying for sex . Two things bothered me. The repeated use of 'therefore' didn't help at all imho, it really clunked with me. I wondered were you setting up the punchline ('therefore I paid for sex') but whatever, you didn't need 'therefore' to do it. 'So' would work as well and flow better. Also you seem to be worrying about fitting your bike in Marcie's car when it's supposed to be locked into Big Dave's El-Camino (I'm a bit of an anorak about these things). Still laughed my socks off though. I see it's an oldie - still, it's a goodie. >W< -
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hey john
well have to disagree with your points. maybe it wasnt clear but the bike wouldnt' fit into marcys car so i left it in the camino.
then i've done this at readings where the therfores made it a real crowdpleaser thats the structure of the whole poem.
but glad you liked it overall.
dave
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THEREFORE I AM AMUSED
VERY GOOD THERE MISTER OCHS..... LIKED READING IT AND THOUGHT IS WAS FUNNY UNTIL END WALKING TO WORK MUST NOT HAVE BEEN TO MUCH FUN.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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jhage
thanks again for commenting. your right it wasnt much fun. work was two miles.
dave
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hey dave,
how sick were you i wonder,very sick to shag an ex con in your own/girlfriends bed..hehe
The "therefore" works because you have sustained it for so long,bit like a neverending song that you never want to end..i think Marcy and big Dave should get together in the back of his El-Camino for a bit of rib munching
see you later
rhet -
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hey rhet
well it was my bed, but your point is well taken. yes i was sick and still am altough i'm more repressesed which may mean i'm even sicker.
dave
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Hi Dave...Interesting poem..I have alot to comment, but no time to do so....I am about to hop on a flight from Portland OR to Hartford CT...I'll try to comment when I hook up on my daughters computer...ttfn Laure
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hey algoressister
good luck on the trip. cant' wait for your review
dave
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Good luck on the contest. This was very enjoyable to read. It was funny and eloquently executed. I llok foward to reading more of your work.
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hey blue
not sure about the contest your referring to. thanks for again commenting on my stuff.
dave
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entertaining as ever. :))
you have always dished out pretty entertaining pieces, dave and this one does not disappoint at all...i always look forward to reading your work because i know you could provide me bundles of laughter that i couldn't normally get from my pain-filled (physical not emotional pain, my tummy troubles are acting up again) days lately...so, thanks.
kudos,
leigh
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hey leigh
thanks, always nice to hear from you and receive your encourgment. hope i can keep making you laugh and that your stomach feels better. all the best.
magudan gabi
(its 10 in the night here)
dave
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Therefore, I find this very funny indeed!
This is hilarious! I loved every moment of reading it. The "therefore" used repeatedly gave it a nice touch. Very funny story. Great job, Dave.
Birdie
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 5.
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< hey birdie
thanks for commenting. this is an older write but what they hell i wanted to post something
dave
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