I love a Marine,
he loves me back.
Thank god
hes already been to Iraq.
The tossing, the turning
the shouting, the bombing.
News flashes, pinched faces
long e-mails, short phone calls.
The Question lingers
on both ends,
will a stranger show up
to mark the end?
I love a marine,
he's been to Iraq
thank god
that he'll never go back.
Author notes
Still have no idea what to call it and its a little rough but here it is.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Short quick rhyme is catchy good work.
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omg. i love it. I have two brothers that are marines and a brother in the army. the one in the army has been there 3 times and he's going back. and one of the marines has been there once.
it killed me. i would watch the news and they would say how many have been killed and i just started crying each time.
You did a great job.
thank the one you love for me for fighting for our country.
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Hello Red
I enjoyed reading your poem. I thought the opening and closing was very catchy and succint. I like the feeling of him going there and coing back as the line shifts in is position in the stanza.
Windhovers suggestions got me thinking..
I was missing the part about the tenderness of the reunion, although i thought the sack was quite punchy and has its own appeal .
Not at all sure of the ryhtmn of this, what do you think?
I love a Marine,
he loves me back.
Thank God
hes been to Iraq.
The tossing, the turning,
the shouting, the bombing.
News flashes, pinched faces,
long emails, short calls.
Questions hang heavy,
palm in palm?
If? then when?
I love a marine,
he's been to Iraq
thank God
he'll never go back.
How about Marine Matters for a title?
I hate war!
The very best to you,
Karuna
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To rhyme or not to rhyme
Hey Red. Hope this poem is autobiographical. I'm afraid it's better news than it is poetry, little One, the rhyming couplets of the first stanza setting up a rhythm which the second stanza immediately abandons, only to return to it in the last. Rhyming meter is a tyrant, remember? I'd call it 'Selfishness' or 'Selfish Joy' - something like that. I edited it a little to make it march in time a bit better. See what you think. Hope you're good (seems like you are!) Hugs >W<
Selfishness
I love a Marine,
and he loves me back.
Thank god
hes already been to Iraq.
The tossing, the turning
the shouting, the bombing.
News flashes, the suicide attacks
long e-mails, short phone calls.
the constantly hoping
they don't send him home in a sack
I love a marine,
he's been to Iraq
I thank GOD
that he'll never go back.
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Made some edits
I changed a few things not quite the edits the edits you suggested but I hope you like like them
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