I met a girl so sweet and shy
she made me want to befriend her.
We laughed and joked with others
till something taken out of context
caused her to leave abruptly.
I cried
I told her it was misunderstanding
which she found to be the truth.
Yet for the longest time
we did not speak.
the friendship I’d hoped to form
seemed to be lost
until sometime later she returned
as though nothing had happened.
I cried
I came to find she was filled with pain
her world was dark and forlorn.
Her heart was battered and bruised.
Her mind was filled with torment and suffering.
My empathy for her overwhelmed me
as my heart went out to her.
I cried
In time something wonderful happened.
I watched her slowly begin to heal.
Her pain lessoned and she found peace.
Soon she was filled with joy again.
Though some days were still hard for her
she was happy most of the time.
I cried
We began to laugh and play
as our friendship grew stronger.
The silliness was astounding and
the joy it brought was unending.
My days were filled with laughter
while hers were filled with hope.
I cried
Then the friendship turned to something more.
Our hearts found comfort in each other.
Both of us were surprised and unsure
as we stepped towards each other
not knowing what to expect.
Then she said she loved me.
I cried
I was once again overwhelmed by my emotions.
I was more than amazed that she loved me.
She was my first thought in the morning.
She was my last thought at night.
Her love was so incredible.
I cried
I awoke one morning filled with joy
at the miracle lying next to me.
Looking into my eyes, she told me she loved me
before leaving quietly leaving.
That night I was thrilled to hear her voice.
Then she told me she loved him.
I cried
How can I improve this?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Aw!
This is sad, but it's a wonderful poem. -
I cried sad ending to a wonderful poem. I realy like this one brian guess she wasnt ment to be.
~ERIKA~
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This is sad, you cry through happiness till the end then through loss, very emotional and very well done.
lainy
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Heartbreak..
Very sorry for your pain you are feeling.
It really hurts when something so good gets taken from you out of the blue.
Everything turns out ok in the end, and if its not ok, its not the end.
And time is a healer.
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Awh..
I am truly sorry that you carry so much pain hun, But you mustn't lose all hope, any pain that has been created can be taken away as well, it just might take a bunch of time.
I am sorry that this girl hurt you so much, but I am proud of you for writing all this down. and expressing such raw emotions.
I also would just like to let you know that I am always here if you need somone to talk to, and I am not going anywhere either.
True friends stick it out till the end, through the pain and the fights.
I am not going anywhere.
Your friend always,
Chelsey.
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Sad...
I like the transition from happy memories to the last hard hitting line. I think it would work better if the last line was turned into a seperate stanza giving us more information. It doesn't seem to fit at the end of that stanza where you have it.
I like the repitition of "I cried". It fits well. I'm a big fan of repitition. It helps instill the message within the reader and it leads them to remember the piece and your point.
This is a very heartfelt piece. You put A LOT of emotion into this. The hurt you feel is very evident in your word choice. Again, this is so very sad... Great write.
-Krista
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Sad?
That's an understatement. I hadn't hurt like that in a long time. You are/were right about the last line being the end of another stanza. I'd gotten to the point that I didn't really want to write anymore. It was hurting to much to relive the memories.
I'm not sure if it can be heartfelt though. She took my heart and there's just a hole there now.
I added the last stanza. I hope you think it fits better now. -
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It fits.
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