Breaking, tearing, shaking, wearing
cities crumble, buildings fall
melting, crushing, the end is coming,
hear the angel's trumpet call.
empty houses, streets turn bare,
through the smoke and debris, it awaits.
car alarms blaring, sights past comparing,
another soul lost to the fates.
the metal wings cut through the air,
their engines roar, daring the brave,
a family hides in a basement and cries,
because their own lively house could be their grave.
and the beasts drop their load,
and claim one more life,
and survivors strain their ears just to hear,
if the faint metal murmur,
is getting fainter or closer,
constantly living in fear.
corruption, they call,
towards an empty heart,
and nobody cares how they plead.
destruction is all,
just an innocent deed,
but forgiveness is all that we need.
again and again, the cities fall down,
but the leaders won't give up the fight,
how could you bear the grief you prepared,
and still perceive your actions as right?
not the family lost to a fiery death,
nor the survivors who try to be brave,
believe fighting is right or killing is just,
but hope for the peace that they crave.
and more and more fall, and the armies retreat,
and the other side had won the war,
so if we hadn't won or held out just a bit longer,
what, then was it all for?
pride, greed, lies, deceit, principles to live by- you see.
tradgedy, hate, despair, and misfate- better off not hapening to me.
How can I improve this?
Comments
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Holy COW...
Who knew this was in you? this is amazing bro. AMAZING. I abnsolutely love it. you should read this in writer's club on thursday


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I love everything about this piece!
The rhyme sets the flow very well. The subject is unique; it reminds me of a few horror movies. I really like the form of the whole poem as well as the stanzas themselves.
From the third stanza on, all the lines start ending with commas. I think that some of those you could take some out and make some periods to help the flow and the look of the piece. In poetry, I find that many people end lines with commas when it's not needed. In my opinion, if it flows with the next line like a sentence, it doesn't need a comma.
Overall, it was very goodl. I liked it a lot,
.Krista



