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Silent Storm

Raging this mind storm,
Exploding throughout my skies,
Bright yellows and reds.

Deafeningly loud,
Fierce winds stealing my wasted
Attempts at speaking.

Standing in the eye,
The universe blowing on,
All becomes quiet.

I choke on secrets.
My sickness envelopes me.
White hot and searing.

Beyond desperate,
My skies continue trembling,
Silence deadening.

Is the title ok? Favorite lines, least favorites? Is the tone consistent?

Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poem

Reviews


  • Violet Moodswing
    January 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    I like the title :)

    Since you seem to be describing the storms that brew inside of us as a result of not being able to express ourselves constructively, I think the title is perfect.

    My favorite lines would be line 4-6. The stanza just has a ring to it that seems hauntingly familiar but from a different perspective.

    I don't think I have a least favorite. If by consistent, you mean the tone of the poem throughout, I think you have achieved consistency.

    I really do like the poem and the picture that I get of the silence. It gives me mental pictures to experience rather than just hearing the quiet.

    Glad I got to read it

    . Rewarded 4


    • Kestral
      January 29, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      I did mean the consistency of the tone throughout - thank you very much for your response.

  • MobleyJ88
    January 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    I liked this

    You remind me of another poet I know in the sense of how you right. None of the lines were bad, all were good. I think you could really go places with your work. I hope to someday pick up a book with you as the author, I'd definitly buy the book.

    . Rewarded 4


    • Kestral
      January 29, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      wow

      that is a huge compliment. Thank you so much!
      Regards,
      Kes


  • Penskilled Pratyush
    January 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Good one!!

    Title is alright.... suits the poem perfectly. The poem has many traits of a good poem. A bit of haze of darkness, a bit of pain, a bit of pessimism.... makes it good. Speaking of the topic, could have changed it a bit. Silent storm conveys a different meaning. It implies chaos or mind storming. But your poem's topic is quite distinct from that. If you like storms a lot, then make it something like "fatal storm" or something. And I really liked the last lines. Last three that is. Those 3 are the life of the whole poem.

    . Rewarded 4


  • January 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    4

    The poem is like my inside. My favorite line is 10. I think we all have a secret, some more frightening than othrs. Great writing Kestral.

    Love you.
    M.

    . Rewarded 4