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Clean Wood

CLEAN  WOOD

I odered this , this clean wood box .

I spent more time choosing my last suit.

And I won`t be wearing it a year from now.

She`ll wear this wooden overcoat to Eternity .

I don`t know how

To face these hours .



Now they bring the flowers

And place the sympathy books

At the door where we must later face the looks

of pity – because people think they should .

Steeped in prayer , stripped of feeling -

Clean Wood

Comments please ?

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Reviews

  • ketura498
    March 10, 2006
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    OK ITS A DIFFERNT VIEW ON THINGS...

    I spent more time choosing my last suit

    And I won`t be wearing it EVEN a year from now.

    BUT She`ll wear this wooden overcoat to Eternity

    THE WAY YOU JUST INSERTED THIS OTHER CHARACTER IS REALLY ABRUPT...'EVEN' AND 'BUT' ALTHOUGH SMALL IT JUS ROUNDS IT OFF...

    THE POEM IS GREAT JUS THE FORMAT KILLS THE FLOW.. ALTHOUGH YOUR SUPPOSED TO READ WITH THE PUNCTUTAION THE WAY ITS STUCTURED IT KILLS IT...
    LINES 5 AND 6 COULD BE ONE,LINES 7 AND 8 AS WELL,

    ANYWAY THAT JUS MY TAKE ON IT... BUT ALL IN ALL ITS GOOD, YOU  POETRY IS ALWAYS GOOD DONT REALLY EXPECT TO GET A BAD PIECE FROM YOU...BUT I STILL LOVE 'EYES'


    HEY I'M GONNA CHECK OUT UR PIECE ON ALL POETRY NOW..

    . Rewarded 4


    • Windhover silver member
      March 10, 2006
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      The Biter Bit !

      I've created a monster ! But I guess I had it coming ! What can I say - I took a good look at your suggestions - I just couldn't agree with them . We old people are far less adaptable than you youngsters (lol)! This one definitely wrote itself and I don't think I'll ever hear it any differently to how it's laid down here - otherwise I'd certainly have done it ! Thanks for continuing to support my delusions of adequacy !


  • March 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    yeah man

    yeah, those last two words stick with me. Clean wood.  Comparing it to a suit, contrasting the time it takes to choose each. You just can dwell on the details of a suit because it doesnt mean as much, but choosing clean wood can be painful. This says alot about the confusion and even awkward tension surrounding a funeral. Sympathy and pity become a bit mixed. Very touching.

    . Rewarded 4


    • Windhover silver member
      March 10, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks - I think .

      Forgive me if I don't know exactly what to make of your comment.It's title suggests irony and its hard to loose thet feeling throughout .If you think the poem is  pretentious I'd like to hear about it. I read your stuff - you're not an idiot.Maybe musicians have a way of putting things I don't get . Sorry if I've got it wrong .Thanks for taking the time.Welcome to the site - you can have real fun here.


      • March 10, 2006
        Edit | Reply

        oh

        I don't know why you assumed I thought it to be a pretentious poem.  I enjoyed it.

        Perhaps I typed my response too quickly, and you misunderstood my tone.

        Anyhow, if you get comments from me, read them as they are. I'm not being cynical or snide with what I'm saying. I responded soon after reading the poem, and I was writing in a style similar to my speech. As for how you plainly stated that I'm "not an idiot", well thank you for pointing that out, but I was never in question of being one, just as I wasn't calling your poem "pretentious".


        • Windhover silver member
          March 10, 2006
          Edit | Reply

          Apologies

          Sorry - I picked you up wrong .Text can do that sometimes when tone has to be inferred.This side of the Atlantic "yeah man" is usually interpreted as hippy sarcasm.I took you up wrong and I totally apologise .Thanks for the comment- I'll return the favour.