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Rapunzel , Rapunzel ! Let down your hair ! You’re far too uptight - and it just isn’t fair to deny me the tiniest vestige of hope for lacking the foresight to carry a rope. Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Now cometh the hour – for you to explain why you built this damn tower. The prison that holds you Is of your own making. The keys to release you Are yours for the taking ! Rapunzel, don’t leave me, dismissed as a charmer. Abandoned – Your knight in rusting armour. Who dashes himself on invisible bricks – repelled by a spell and a sorceress’s tricks. Rapunzel , Rapunzel! Stop cutting your hair! Let it grow till it reaches the ground And I swear - I’ll be waiting to climb up and answer your prayers. Give me hope! At least -give me your scissors ! |
Comments?
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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Delightful humour
I truly have no time for this, (comment clicked for no points) but I am surprised no one has critiqued. Is it because they do not know the story it is based on? A global site has taught me to take less for granted.
Thoroughly enjoyed this, glad I read it.
Now, must go.
Terry
PS
I clicked edit on this and was rewarded with a long wait. Ahem:
How many Rapunzels are there? An apostrophe would clarify the possessive. T -
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Thank you Terry!
If you keep this up I'll be suffering delusions of adequacy in no time ! Glad you liked it and it gave you a smile! -
P.S.
I sorted the apostrophe ( sorry Teach!) and moved some furniture around while I was in there!
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I've an ass buster next door
You're poetry is not very good. I've got a real mans brain and a double man's cock. You seem to be on the same boat as "ochs sucks cocks" and "big Al, The Assblaster". Lets have you labotomised you weirdo.. Rewarded 4
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Thanks Mastermind !
Thats 'lobotomised' to the over 12 's - and if your 'real man's brain'(apostrophe, genius!)were dynamite you couldn't blow your own nose! I'm all broke up about your shrewd put-down,I so crave acknowledgement from plant-life.What's the matter ? - nobody water your today? Dry up and rot , lame-brain! -
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I'm cooler than you. Your poems are not good. I have little time for small meaningless skid-marks like you.
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Thanks Mastermind !
Thats 'lobotomised' to the over 12 's - and if your 'real man's brain'(apostrophe, genius!)were dynamite you couldn't blow your own nose! I'm all broke up about your shrewd put-down,I so crave acknowledgement from plant-life.What's the matter ? - nobody water you today? Dry up and rot , lame-brain! -
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Nobody likes you. honestly you're a gay boy.
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Poem is nice and wonderful as well.nicely written in the form of a beatiful poem .hope you would continue to write good and nice poem in the future also.. Rewarded 4
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Thanks Tim!
I appreciate your comment and the feedback .
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< That's Rich!
Thanks for the comment . I've read your stuff.If you ever have anything positive to say about mine keep it to yourself - thanks ! -
I enjoyed reading this very much. You have a flair for rhyme and rhythm. I do have a few suggestions. Although I like your allusions to the fairy tale, I think you should perhaps make the poem more personal. Your 'I' in the poem is not strong enough. Is it the fairy tale 'I', or is it you the writer reflecting on passion and love, or neither. If the reader is not familiar with the story, it may difficult trying to grasp the humour and/or allusions.
Kindest regards, Maria. Rewarded 1
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Hi Maria !
Thanks for this thoughtful comment . I do see where the poem falls between 2 stools . The problem is probably that it has personal significance not available to the reader - aggravated by the fact that a fairly serious issue was being treated with humour.Its just an 'in-between' sort of poem , more for amusement than depth . Of course if the reader doesn't know the original tale they'll be a bit lost . But then the title will either attract you - or it won't . I'm so glad YOU at least know your 'Brothers Grimm'!Thanks again for the comment!
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can use this as a bedtime story for my nieces? :)
oh this is soooooo cute!
rhyming is good and the twist is perfect!
im sure my nieces will love it too (if only they will not ask me what the twist is all about...lol)
its a fun read. worth rereading..
cheers!
lynne. Rewarded 4
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What's the twist ,Auntie - what's the twist ...?
No problem - but its a bit long ! Try this one if they pester you for bedtime stories.
" I'll tell you a story
about Jackanory -
and that's my story begun!
I'll tell you another
About Jack an' his brother-
And that's my story all done!
My Grandfather used to drive me and my brother CRAZY with that - and its not often adults get to turn the tables ! Actually I like children . But I couldn't eat a whole one !
Thanks for the comment - glad you liked it and got a laugh.
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and i can see you revised this one also .its much more refined and the rhyme now has a consisten beat...
do i really have to say good job, nice work, your form is amazing and the analogy that you present in this piece is intersting and well though of..
do i, really?
cuz u know this already right.
so i'm not going to say anything
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Splendid
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Splendid
This piece of poetry looks cool.
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brought me a smile
i thank you for rewriting the fairy tale - you made it seem so much more real, and actually gave me a giggle... great write.. Rewarded 4
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Glad it made you smile ...
..and thanks for digging it out ! I enjoyed this one when I wrote it but I wondered would it mean anything to anyone without the inside story. Apparently it did . Thanks for the kind comment. W.
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Funny, funny!
Oh what a hoot! Knowing the original tale of course led to expectations that your poem twisted into a "gotcha" ending, and you sure did!
I suppose I was also expecting something to rhyme with prayers.
Doubly funny because it does not rhyme.
However, if you wanted to preserve the scheme, you could replace line 30 with:
"to show you what bliss is yours"
then your last rhyme would be saved, by rhyming with "scissors," still somewhat unexpectedly.
Your call.
Terry. Rewarded 4
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Glad it pleased you ...
.. Oh Great One ! Making people laugh has always been one of my favourite things. I like the non-rhyme at the end though - it's sort of like a bum note on the piano when things in the play aren't working out - don't you think? Anyway , thanks again ,Terry ! My Best . W.
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Sooo funny
What a wonderfully funny spin on the original tale... As Terry said it is rather funnier that the ending doesn't rhyme and it was a twist I wasn't expecting.... Looking forward to more of these.......
Hugs linda. Rewarded 4
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Sooo funny
What a wonderfully funny spin on the original tale... As Terry said it is rather funnier that the ending doesn't rhyme and it was a twist I wasn't expecting.... Looking forward to more of these.......
Hugs linda. Rewarded 1
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hehe
First of all i have to say i love how you mixed some humor into a kids love story! its very funny especailly the part about the "damn tower"! I also love how you made it funny but actually put some deep feeling in there! i love the way you tied everything in and it was very enjoyable and entertaining to read! Definately one of a kind lol have you ever written anything like this? meaning the fairytale mixed humor? it was very nice keep up the good writin...
~Natasha. Rewarded 4
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Glad you liked it !
This was a bit of a one-off , especially the humour, but I do like to use analogies in my other poems (eg. Joan of Arc, Sirens )though 'Fat Cat Heaven ' and 'My Face' do humour without the analogies.Thanks for the comment and the encouragement Natasha !
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Very very FUNNY!
That was genious! Hehe, I really wonder what gave you the idea for that poem! I loved it! Me and my mom got a good laugh from it!. Rewarded 4
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Can't say!
Thank you so much and glad you two had a giggle which was a major aim of this one. As for where it came from .. we poet types never reveal our sources ( it's good practice in case we have to become journalists! )
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You know what?
This sounds like me if anyone ever tried to ask me out. I know there is humor here, but I was struck by visualizing the poor guy that ever tries to date me. This is, in essense, how he's going to feel. So first of all, I can totally relate to this for that reason. I know, I know, I will have to work on this attitude problem of mine. And you, my friend, are already helping me with that. I'm sorry I haven't commented enough on your writing. I have 5 days to finish what's on Storywrite and I intend to beat the deadline! But also, I wanted to cruise around and read more of your stuff. I am Lines 9 through 16. But don't worry, I'll get over it. So the bottom line is I know this should be about your talents, but you've put me on paper. The poem - I love the format, it flows smoothly, I wouldn't change anything (but the obvious improvements I need to change in my own self respect category). How did you have me pegged before we even met? It's that psychic thing we have going on again. Hit home - loved it - talk to ya soon.. Rewarded 1
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You know what ?
Only this morning I was trawling through my old poems and I stopped at this one. It's actually one of my most viewed and commented-on poems. Maybe it's the catchy title. Nobody however has ever 'identified' with it. You're even wierder than you make out! LOL! Gotta learn to let your hair down every now and then girl!
Glad you liked my goofy poem.
>Watchtowerhover<
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March 21, 2006