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A True Fashon Statement

Slim waist
Petite fit
Big hair
Boney hips
Thong out
Fainting spells
High heels
A subtle Hell

Small breasts
Multi colored eyes
Top Models and
Constant lies
Unsafe sex on
A fragile body
A lack of respect
For women like
you with that
All too popular
Body

You’re anorexic
Malnourished body.

Oh sure…
I wanna be just like you

Does my point come across immaturely? ?

Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poem

Reviews

  • oOo Nicole oOo
    August 8, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    It Was a Strong Point And Message Displayed Truthfully And Well Writen I Must Say…I Scanned This Poem For Flaws And Stumbled Upon None At All…The Only Fault I’ve Come Up With Is Your Not On My Favorites Yet xoxo-Its Just Golden-xoxo

    . Rewarded 4


    • Lady Patricia
      August 8, 2005
      Edit | Reply
      Why thank you, pet.
      Your review was much apprecaited and it makes me feel very good to know this simple poem doesnt need to be changed. Chuckles
      By the way, love your blue eyed blond cartoon up there. sticks out tongue.
      Joking of course, it is a very cute piece of art.
      Did you draw it?
      Evening to you.
      Patricia

  • divexintoxlife
    August 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    It has a lot of the aspects of what comes with anorexia (sex and strong sexual desire, fainting spells, fragile body, lies, small breasts). The idea is a good one, just – I feel like the reader would be ushered toward thinking that those girls are the only ones who do have eating disorders. Actually, I have studied a lot about eating disorders and most women with them are over weight people who you would never expect. I think you are right, skinny women as icons is wrong – but haha accusing them of having eating disorders is simply a stereotypical (i guess maybe i’m just speaking out for skinny women – we arent all starving haha)

    I think line 9 ‘multi-tint eyes’ can be seperated into two lines. Having it as ‘multi-/ tint eyes’ would help the poem flow better.

    Other then that, its well written and gets across your point. Take care.

    . Rewarded 1


    • Lady Patricia
      August 15, 2005
      Edit | Reply

      Oh wow.

      As a big girl I would have never thought such… well… no. That’s not true. Stupidity is a sin. I knew there were women that were big that had eating disorders… but I never thought to write about it. Maybe because Im big myself. It makes me want to though. I appreaciate you’re commenting on my peom and in a way I myself am hypocritical because while I dont desire to be sterotyped I do so easily sterotype others. (my spelling is pathetic)

      and aye, I would never accuse all women of starving themselves dear. By all means, I know a girl that barely weighs one hundred pounds and she eats like a pig. laughs I never worry about how bad my cooking may be because she always cleans her plate. I apoligize if I made it seem like I was against all shapely and thin women.

      The poem is just a statement about how I tire of people saying how I should look, and act, and dress. >.< I dont like thongs, and I dont want to be skinny and I wish it wasnt the case but not being exactly that is what keeps me from acting on screen, or modeling off a nice outfit. The “look” is what I’ve described up above.

      Yes well. Again thank you for writing a comment to my poetry, I havent been getting many and that makes me wonder if my poetry is bad or if its just… not worth the time to read.

      You have a great day, night, dear.
      Patricia

      • divexintoxlife
        August 15, 2005
        Edit | Reply
        You have a great day also –
        I don’t think it matters how one looks at all
        You are beautiful
        And so am I
        And so is every other person on the face of the earth


  • robert davidson
    August 16, 2005

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    No. Your point comes across immediately and very maturely. As this is free verse you could vary the length of the lines a bit and if possible avoid the rhymes ‘eyes’ and ‘lies’. Otherwise excellent.

    . Rewarded 1


    • Lady Patricia
      August 17, 2005
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Aye. I get what your saying. Eyes and lies, Dies, all the rhymes that fit with those specific two words just seem…. boring and oversaid, overwritten. >.< I shall have to work on that, I hadnt really noticed its placement but when I read it… it does tend to throw the poem off a bit, or not really throw it off, but merely… i ignore it and feel a pang of annoyance.

      Just like I cant stand when someone rhymes the words mad with sad and dad, and god I cant stand… chuckles I’ve lost my point. Thank you Robert.
      Patricia