Polly, a faceless in the crowd,
**** Study in the nondescript.
Nearsighted furrows above vacant eyes
**** Beneath Woolworth wig.
Oh Polly, who could guess
**** What ghastly terrors lurk.
In your nocturne hours.
What drives you from your orthopedic cradle
**** *****and electric blanket womb,
With voiceless screams,
**** To dust immaculate virgins
And hoover frenetically as the tenebrous hours
**** Grind endlessly toward dawn,
To spare your overwrought brain
**** The shattering vastness of your dingy bedroom.
Until, you Polly, nine to five blank clerk
**** Stretch out exhausted near first light
*********on magnolia-clad sofa.
Where Polly-of-the-wallflowers
**** Wrapped in crotchet afghan,
Reaches out through the dusk
**** To no one.
Comments?
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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I enjoyed this.
So many people are wrapt in the profound that the common people fall through the cracks of life publicized. You have captured the common here and trumpeted the blase with a fine poetic endeavor. I now know Polly whereas before I hadn't a clue she existed. I love your use of fine descriptors. "Tenebrous" is my favorite. You write in a clear, concise and intelligent fashion that makes me smile. You have made the mundane interesting and I applaud you for it. Bravo!. Rewarded 4
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Another floor
I like this poem and love its title. Thisi is a good example of a title that adds another layer to the poem.
I don't know if you did notice but the floors' theme appears again in this poem (I recall it for 'thoughts from #2') I have to read more of your work to reveal its significance. Another theme is the technique you use to demonistrate time (dusk...necturne...dawn). It's a classic.
I love the original description you provide in this poem and other; However, I don't know about "a faceless in the crowd." It sounds too familiar for me.
I think there is a typo in line 15.
Good to read ya!
Razi
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you
Thank you there was a typo in line 15. I didn't quite get what you were saying about the word "faceless". I always appreciate comments by poets whose work I admire. -
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My
point was rather made about the expression "faceless among the crowds." I think it does not live-up with the originality of other expressions in the poem.
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...good
I have actually read a poem with the exact same title, but the poem was wriiten differently. I like this poem even though the idea has been used...still a good read though cuz it still gets the point across. you have talent, take advantage of it.
KO.. Rewarded 4
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eosmia - Before I get to the poem - I want to say that this is an interesting choice of background colors considering your poem appears to be about an older woman who is lonely and a bit on the compulsive side. That is - lavender being the color associated with "little old ladies". I've never posted to this site, so I must assume that you had no choice but to use the asterisks for the spacing - a pity because they are a bit distracting even though I know their purpose. I am a huge fan of using white space v print for emphasis. I believe it to be one of the most powerful tools available to free verse writers and the proper use of it is essential to us for emphasis as we have no "form" to adhere to that gives us points of emphasis. I find your poem to be well written and very well thought out. You leave the reader feeling rather than thinking about Polly with just enough poignant detail of her nocturnal activities to let us know she is lonely. And perhaps because of that loneliness she can't sleep until she is so exhausted physically that she can't help but sleep. Your vivid descriptions and images are outstanding. Particularly L8-13 describe this situation with some images that might lead me to believe you have actually witnessed Polly's activities. I was also very impressed with your physical description of Polly - down to the Woolworth wig. That is something that appeals to older readers as Woolworth has been a fading, if not totally forgotten, entity for years. In my opinion, the only part of this poem that is perhaps a bit weak is the ending. L19-22 seem to bring up a whole new subject - the wallflowers, which were not addressed in your previous images. It seems to me that an echo of your previous strong images would bring the poem together a bit better. And, I am also thinking perhaps a word more closely associated with early morning than "dusk" would work to your advantage at the end. I realize you are speaking of the quality of the color of the sky, but to me, the word "dusk" is an automatic shift to the evening sky. Overall, I find this to be an excellent poem. You've addressed a societal issue in a softer, kinder way than the picture looks from the inside. Great write!
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you so much for your comments. I have rewritten the poem. Haven't changed it on the site but what you said was really helpful.
Eosmia
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SoleCarryOn
June 17, 2006
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