Reflection 1
Weightless idea.
Soon heavy with weighted thought,
A featherlight notebook.
Reflection 2
A baby has died.
The men have gathered, helpless.
Palpable sorrow.
Reflection 3
Sun warms my shoulders,
In my hair the breeze fiddles.
Sunday in the park.
Reflections 4
Named stones in a row.
Bedfellows eternal sleep.
Death’s last irony
How much reworking do you think these need?
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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it is nice
i dont think u need to rework ur poem.1st and last (relactions!)stanza is awesome.u have shown how meaningful a short verse can be.hope to get more poems frm u.keep delighting us.. Rewarded 4
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gorgeous
i've read a couple of your other pieces, and this reaffirms your awesomeness. i think the third is a little behind the others, but i think it might just be my aversion to the topic. i cant give any real critique on these. i just know that i was not a haiku fan until i read these.. Rewarded 4
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irony - and beauty
you have written perfect haiku's that is an accomplishment all by itself. they are very hard to write. and good work.. Rewarded 4
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no it doesn't require
no...ur write doesn't require rework. The first and the fourth verse were really influencing and creates a huge impact....thanks for penning the wonderful write.
Your reflection III was also great. I loved the last surprising line.
Yes 1 mistake, in 17 count haiku, u need to be sure that the second and third line remain in continuation. Rewarded 1
gypsy dreams
May 10, 2006
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