Sing a song of sadness
A pocket full of fears
Reaching out in darkness
The blackbird through its tears.
* * * * *
When the black cat
Shuts her eyes at night
She disappears.
I wish I could.
* * * *
Run sheep run
Run through the blindness
of blurry-eyed years.
Run sheep run
Run with the crowd or be
trampled by peers.
* * * *
Little mary Chittle
Knew a dainty fairy
Lived in a flower
In her garden, oh.
Tommy, who kept a dove
Said Mary was the one he loved
With blue eyes
That twinkled, oh.
Away the dove flew
He vowed he’d be true
And plucked the tiny flower
In her garden, oh.
* * * *
A young girl
Floating lonely, a pink cloud
The black bunny that
will come no more.
* * * *
A warted toad
Squatting curious, pop-eyed
on a rotting stump.
A soft cloud
One teardrop on the
violet leaf.
* * * *
Throw a ball
Against a wall
What goes up
Will always fall.
Fence post, iron rail,
garden gate
Toss a stone at a man
Whose face you hate.
If he go easy
Let him be
Or shoot a bullet at him
And away he will flee.
Do you think these should be grouped together?
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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TICKLISH
If I read it as a serious critic, I'd be able to pick up some satirical comments on life and living. If I read it as plain "nursery rhymes", it is pleasing. Nice work.I like best the first two stanzas.They have punch. I did not get the same "punch" in the rest of the stanzas. I am sure it's just a personal thing for me. Others will surely feel something else.
It would be even more challenging if you followed what you did in the first stanza (which is to give a new twist to old popular rhymes). That'd be more intelligently witty. But overall, your poem is pleasurable reading.. Rewarded 4
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hey this is nice...i really don't know how would it sound when grouped...you would have to work on the order...its fine...
its a very novel concept!!!. Rewarded 4
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Huge potential.
Have to echo fultonsheen's comments here . The twisting of more recognizable nursery rhymes is a great framework on which to hang just about anything you want. This is very readable but begs to be developed and to maintain the punch and bite it promises early on . And yes , it is one poem , not a series . Please develope it. Good work. W.. Rewarded 4
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Huge potential.
. Rewarded 4
May 13, 2006
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