At 10am ,
standing in the damp grass
I spotted her leaving
now wearing a cloak
of radiant blue
new
and different
last night she
had ruled heaven -
myriad diamonds
star-spangled her
black robe
as men
adoring, wondering
craned to see
her show.
so slowly did she go
but so beguiling
her dance -
eternal mistress
now the night dancer
steals away -
afraid of the day
pale and translucent
gossamer-veiled ghost
of the morning -
celestial also-ran
now outshone
by a real star .
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Comments?
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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beautiful
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a lot better with the packaging....cant differentiate the moon and the "female" now..lol
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This is lovely. The first stanza really caught my eye and made me think you were speaking of a woman. I'm pleased to say I caught on quickly, and realized just who you were actually referring to in the second stanza. I really enjoyed the imagery-- it put me in the mind of that painting, "Night with her Train of Stars."
But my favorite is the final stanza. I found it to be the richest and most evocative. (I'm especially pleased with the use of the word "celestial," for obvious reasons. )
Though it left me wanting more, this poem ended very nicely as well.. Rewarded 4
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Thanks Pie !
Looking at your graphic ( which I've always admired ) I have to wonder how YOU'D look in the morning ! But such thoughts are just , dare I say it - pie in the sky ! Is that where the name came from ? -
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Hee! Thank you, I'm blushing. The name actually comes from a line in one of my favorite books, Lolita, where Humbert mentions Lolita lusting after "celestial wedges of pie" in roadside diners. I read that bit aloud to my husband and he said, "You're MY celestial pie." I've used it ever since for my email accounts and log-ins. When I created my account on a short story website (now, alas, defunct), my husband also created the graphic for me.
As to how I look in the morning, you should know, there are certain secrets women do not reveal.
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But of course !
I was , of course , referring to the pie and not the author ! The moon in the image would look interesting given the same treatment your husband used for your graphic.I'm afraid I'll always think of you as 'pie in the sky ' from now on but thanks for the REAL story . If you write short stories , why not post one at 'Storywrite' . I have 3 there but it's much harder to get a story read than a poem. You read one of mine and I'll read one of yours. -
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'Pie in the sky'-- I can live with that. Actually, the image actually began life as a moon, and my husband superimposed the pie image over it. I'm afraid I don't have any finished stories to post at this time, though I am working on it. I'd be glad to read one of yours in the meantime though.
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Flight of the Bumble-bee should give you a laugh and its only 200 words!
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Brilliant. I'm new at this so I'm sorry my comment isn't as in depth as others, I just really enjoyed your poem.
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Can't ask for more really. Thanks for reading and letting me know you enjoyed it .My Best . W.
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Divine.
I loved how you found a creative outlet to fade the poem into nighttime. The poem is very powerful, I'm surprised. It really makes you wonder exactly what she is. Just a dancer, a witch, something a little more sensual. It could be almost anything. You can feel the narrator's fascination with her as he analyses her attire in comparison to the evening before.
This is the first poem on this site that I haven't picked apart with technicalities in spelling, grammar, rhythm, and rhyme before going onto the story itself. This poem is very fine in keeping interest, and again, the storyline is very interesting. I find myself wanting to know more about this woman, who she is, and how this man (or, what could possibly be another woman.) has stumbled upon her. It would make an interesting write for StoryWrite. Congrats, I loved it.. Rewarded 4
June 21, 2006
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