It's everything I never wanted,
But I got it anyway.
You see the difference between us,
Is that I care, and you just pretend to.
You say I'm lying?
Prove it.
I knew you were something,
When I first stared into your eyes.
I'll admit it,
You took me by surprise.
But whats the point?
It's all just a game to you,
And when you pass go,
It's nothing new.
But there's still something about you,
That I'm clinging onto,
In hope, that maybe one day,
You'll change.
But until then,
You've made to many mistakes,
And this time I'm letting go for good.
At least I'll tell myself that this time, maybe.
Comments?
Comments
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i love this and my thoughts are a distant echo of your own. you really say everything here. "this time I'm letting go for good. at least i'll tell myself that this time, maybe" thats exactly it. destructive addictive boys should come with a warning label
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deep!
wow! i can place that to my past like a glove.
the feelings i get from it ... are to feel like all you do is love yet all you get is an acid tongue. yet you cant pull away. all that seems to be left is when you try to fall asleep at night all you can imagin are the memories of being held, of holding. yet now it just feels like cluthing, paniced grasping.
some of the worst things to here is the one you care so much for, say, 'i dont care' or, 'your pathetic' when you try so hard to tell them about your pains. or even just try to show them.
and this poem touches on those emotions so deeply.
if you dont mind me saying so im not sure you realise how deeply you've just writen
, because you writen from the heart
, and it seems so fresh. it doesn't seem a reflection on the past. yet the deepest line in the whole thing to me is 'but unitil then' it shows that even in script those feelings wont let you truely let go. you will wait. . . and wait. i hope so much for you that it'll all be ok. i couldn't ever let go. parts of me wish that i could parts are glad i cant. but i found that poetry help me explore how i really felt, at a time when i was so unsure.
personally i feel i cant give advice on how to re-structure it as its so personal, but i suggest that mabey you should try using the structure of the poems to reflect things. it adds a depth to a poem that would lend itself very well to these type of poems and helps in the cathartic aspects of writting.
this poems just so deep and personal, its not a closed poem its very raw, fresh. its narratives not finished
i look forward to the next chapter.language: 3, rhythm: 3, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 3.
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It's nice, I like it!
language: 2, rhythm: 2, subject: 2, tone: 1, form: 1.
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I can relate to this and that's why it's good!
♪ Memories...like the corners of my mind!
Goodness. I can relate to this in a way that I never wanted to remember. But THANKS for compelling me to pull it out of storage. It reminds me of how many times God has saved me from myself.
Blessings... -
This reminds me of my early writing. Very nostalgic for me. Keep it up.
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the emotion and desperation showed through brilliantly in this poem. although i too would cnage the 'to' in the final stanza to a 'too' and the 'whats' in the third stanza to a 'what's'
but apart from those minor grammatical mistakes this is a great poem that wonderfully depicts the way that she is feeling, showing the need to leave but the strings holding her there, the hope that keeps her in the relationship that she so desperately wants to get out of.
she doesn't want to leave and then feel guilty because she could've changed him and didn't try. when in truth just by staying as long as she did and having even a glimmer of hope that he would change is more than trying, and it's not her fault he didn't change, it's his fault he couldn't.
all in all this a great poem with marvellous depth and imagery.
well donelanguage: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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aww.....i cmpletely relate to dis.... good job....
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i love the honesty..i love the desperation
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I too would check the 'too' in verse 5 and the "what's" in verse 3.
Pedantry aside though, I liked the very personal and conversational tone of this. It sounds like a dialogue but maintains a poetic rhythm and so the net result is a very innocent and bare poem. A lot to be happy about here, especially
"And when you pass go,
It's nothing new. -
Very honest. I like the display of emotion. I would change the "to" in the third to last stanza to "too" I think that is what you may have intended to write.
language: 3, rhythm: 3, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 3.
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You've made to many mistakes, [should be 'too']
apart from that
[and who gives a damn about spelling really?]
it's fresh, and i find myself in your shoes, despite not knowing why.
Thanks for sharing TheCoolzGirly -
its deep. I can totally relate, and I LOVE IT!
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I kinda feel like this. Only letting go for good is soo hard, especially when that one thing is constantly on your mind. Deep poem, which is also kinda fitting to my current state of mind. Great stuff (:
Meredith. -
well, just to reiterate what everyone has already said... this is very easy to relate to. I love the first two lines... and the last two lines... and then where you say "I knew you were something,
When I first stared into your eyes.
I'll admit it,
You took me by surprise."
Oh and this part too-But there's still something about you,
That I'm clinging onto,
In hope, that maybe one day,
You'll change."
Yeah, know that feeling well! Very good poem. I'll admit, the red background is a bit much, but at the same time I think it ties in nicely with the theme, so if that was what you were going for, don't worry about it! : ) -
haha, i know that feeling. it relates(:
i love it. -
great poem!
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this is deep......i think i just feel the same...but in my case, i didnt say maybe
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Wow this is really deep! ^^ I can relate to this very much. I know the feeling all too well. I been in that sorta situation before and its not fun at all...
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Fits.
I've been this guy a few times... And it's a terrible feeling for us as well. Well, maybe not them, but for me, I really DID care about the girl, but everything I did worked against me. It's hard to explain, but I know how you feel, and how that situation feels. This fits it perfectly. -
Nicely Relatable
An excellent poem with something we can all connect with, while using more personal arguments. Word choice could be improved, but the emotion is crystal clear.language: 2, rhythm: 2, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 3.
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i love this
and i totally know what you mean
At least I'll tell myself that this time, maybe
nice
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It's so hard to let go when you know it could have worked if the great pretender could thought about your feelings. My only suggestion is that you consider how many of the word, "but", you have in this short poem.
language: 4, rhythm: 3, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 3.
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Wow
Very relatible! I have gone out with a few people like that. It is hard to see the potential for good in someone and not only do they not see it in themselves they seem to work hard to make sure no one else sees it either. It hard to move forward. Thank you for sharing your words! -
Yikes, the background is a little brutal on the eyes. Still, in spite of blindness I loved the opening. It gave the poem a unique feel right off the bat.
You poem has a nice conversational quality. You present an issue that is dealt with by nearly every person on the planet at some point, but you do it in a format that didn't leave me saying, "What? again?"
In your last stanza, to should bee too. That is the only typo that I noticed.
Keep em coming *roll -
Great
ii was really feelin wat u was sayin.. keep it uplanguage: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 3, form: 2.
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Nice! i love the beginning. usually the end makes a lasting impression. this time it was the beginning
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 4.
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aww, hun...
"and this time I'm letting go for good"
you go girl! Stand your ground. men are dogs.
most anyways... I wish you luck all of us feel what your saying.
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I Will, Maybe...
A great write. I suggest calming down the background though. Red is not a good color to be reading on, as it distracts from the poem. It's a good hit though, and a tale lived over and over far to often.language: 2, rhythm: 2, subject: 5, tone: 3, form: 3.
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A good read girly, but we all make those mistakes in going back for more. We always think we can change that person for the better..only to get hurt, time and time again...just be careful huh?
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Very nice poem, lots of emotion.
My biggest critique would be the background. My eyes hurt by the time I finished the poem. XD
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